


The Carnivore

by Suesand (SquibblesMcGoo)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Don't call Levi Daddy, F/M, He don't dig it, Levi does not dig modern technology and modern technology does not dig Levi, Mild Spoilers, Parallel Universes, Reader-Insert, Smut, Smut Ahoy!, Sorry Not Sorry, Time Travel, the smut is here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-05-21 23:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14924510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquibblesMcGoo/pseuds/Suesand
Summary: Trying to survive the meaningless void that is existing in the modern world, your peaceful days are left behind when you find an unconscious man on the street.Dressed unconventionally and clueless about the world you live in, you mistake him for a refugee and decide to take him in for the night.Cue the rest of your life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you decided to give this fic a go! Thank you!
> 
> I very much didn't intend to start another project but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone. So, here we are and I hope you enjoy!

Your whole body is aching as you walk through the dimly lit parking lot. Another night of working hard. But you like the feeling. You like waking up in the morning with your muscles aching for rest.

Tonight didn’t go that well. There was a power outage in the middle of your performance. There wasn’t any rain but people suspected a lightning struck down some power lines. Whatever it was, it interrupted your show.

On top of that, you didn’t have that many customers to begin with. The number of tips for the day is low. Which is a bad thing when they make up the majority of your salary. You surmise it’s because the gay pride took place today. Most people either join the parade or stay at home to avoid seeing it.

You sigh and fiddle your car keys in your pocket. It’s well into the early morning. You can’t wait to go home and sleep. You have classes tomorrow as well. You just hope you don’t fall asleep in the middle of a lecture like you did today.

The parking lot is empty. The night club has already closed for the night and most people have left. Only a couple of cars remain, most of which belong to your co-workers. You’re contemplating your schedule for the rest of the week. You have classes tomorrow and Friday, then you work Saturday night. Luckily, you have Sunday off. You can just kick back and relax.

If it weren’t for the small grunt, you would probably have walked right past him, but the sudden sound makes you stop and look around. Your body tenses up in alarm. Most people who roam the streets at this hour are not up to good.

You see something in the shadows, a slumped form, and frown. Has someone passed out on the parking lot? It wouldn’t be the first time. Almost daily, the bouncers kick out people who are too drunk to stay, and sometimes those people can’t even comprehend ordering a taxi and just pass out.

You approach with caution. Nonetheless, this could still be someone pretending to be passed out just to grab and mug you when you get close enough.

But the form doesn’t move when you close in on them.

You kneel down in front of the person, ready to bolt at any time, and take a look.

He’s lying on the concrete on his back, his head resting on the edge of the sidewalk. He seems unconscious. You’d guess he’s maybe in his early thirties. His black hair is falling over his closed eyes and the steady rhythm of his breathing reveals that he’s very much alive. But that’s not what has caught your interest.

The attire he’s wearing is plain weird. He’s wearing a green cape over a brown jacket. Underneath is a simple white shirt. Tight pants and knee-high boots. And around his chest, hips and thighs, there are leather straps.

You think it over for a moment. This looks like some kind of military attire. You’ve seen similar ones at the gay pride, albeit not this exact one. You hum. He probably attended the parade in his Tom of Finland cosplay, got too drunk and passed out.

You contemplate leaving him there, but you know there are a few gangs operating in this area. This guy is just begging to get robbed.

“Hey,” you grasp his shoulders and shake lightly.

He doesn’t react. That out of it, huh?

You look over his attire and wonder if he has a cell phone on him. Maybe you can get a hold of someone who can come pick him up.

You pat down his chest but the jacket doesn’t seem to have any pockets. You move down his abdomen to his hips. You slide your hands down his thighs in your search for the phone, but there doesn’t seem to be one. But before you can do a thorough check, you’re interrupted by a quick hand snatching your wrist.

You look up. The man is now awake, looking at you with sharp eyes. They’re dark grey, almost black.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks with a steady, cold voice. The way he talks is a bit weird, the way he draws out syllables. It almost reminds you of those old Shakespearean plays you were forced to watch in high school.

“If you’ve got time to cop a feel, then you should…” His voice trails off as he looks around. His eyes widen slightly and he sits up abruptly. You wrench your wrist out of his hold and get back on your feet.

“Good, you’re awake. I’d suggest you get home before someone decides to mug you,” you tell him, now a bit wary, and rub your wrist. He has more strength than his appearance lets on. You turn to walk away.

You make it to your car before he calls out after you.

“Hey, kid,” he calls, his voice commanding. You turn to give him a raised eyebrow. He’s on his feet now, a scowl on his face as he looks around. He checks over his own body, then looks around again as if looking for something.

“What the hell is going on here?” he asks you sharply. He looks confused, but his stone-cold face is keeping most of it at bay.

“You had too much to drink at the pride and passed out on this parking lot,” you give him the most likely explanation. He frowns.

“Pride?” he repeats.

Is he really that drunk? Then again, his behaviour doesn’t seem drunken at all. He’s not swaying where he’s standing and his eyes are clear and sharp as he looks at you.

“You know, that annual parade where they celebrate gay culture,” you explain nonchalantly. He frowns even more.

“Gay culture? I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.”

“I assumed that’s where you were considering your attire,” you point out. You lean against the hood of your car and cross your arms.

“My attire? You don’t know what this is?” he asks you. His eyes are trying to remain calm and unaffected but you can see he’s getting anxious. You notice he’s breathing a bit faster than normal.

“Sorry, I really don’t recognize your cosplay,” you apologize. His eyes widen. Is he that upset that you can’t recognize his gay pride costume?

But you relax a little where you’re leaning against your car. He’s not approaching you. He doesn’t seem to be dangerous. Or even drunk. Maybe he just has narcolepsy and fell asleep on the parking lot.

“Where exactly am I?” he asks and folds his arms. He looks around again as if to confirm that the surroundings haven’t changed during the last few seconds.

“You’re in front of the Gartha Nightclub. 16th Cedar Street,” you explain. The words don’t seem to ring a bell, he looks even more confused.

“What time is it?” he asks.

“3:40 a.m. approximately. It’s the 21st of June.”

“What year?” he asks sharply.

“Year?” you give him a puzzled look. “2018.”

The man stays quiet for a long time. His eyes dart to map out his surroundings again, as if he’s looking for something, anything, familiar. Finally, he chuckles at himself in an unimpressed manner.

“I see. Maybe I finally lost my mind completely,” he snorts darkly to himself. He turns his eyes back to you. “2018 you say? That might just be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

He pauses.

“But it seems like I’ve got no choice but to believe you.”

You frown and look at him. He’s right. What he’s saying makes no sense. What he’s saying does sound insane. Maybe he needs acute psychiatric help? Should you call an ambulance?

“Do you remember your home address?” you ask him carefully. He looks at you for a while, clearly contemplating his options. Finally, he shakes his head.

“I can’t remember anything,” he confesses, though the words sound more calculated than sincere.

“Then, should I call an ambulance for you? Or maybe the police?”

“Police?” he asks and falls silent for a while to again think it over. A frown creeps on his face as he looks away.

“If they’re anything like the police I know it’ll do more harm than good,” he mutters to himself. “But it might be I’ve got no other choice.”

The police he knows? What is he talking about?

The things he’s saying are bizarre. And then there’s his weird outfit and the fact that he doesn’t seem to even own a cell phone.

You think furiously, trying to find an explanation for this weird situation you’re now shoved into. Then finally you find something that would make sense. Sort of.

“Are you a refugee? An illegal immigrant?“ you ask. Does he not want to get the police involved because he knows he’ll get deported?

Your face darkens as you think about it. You’ve heard stories. Of refugees getting sent back to their home country and then getting tortured or killed.

The man thinks it over for a moment before nodding.

“That’s right. I’m a refugee. But, I can’t remember anything about where I came from.” Still, something about his words doesn’t sit well with you. He doesn’t sound sincere. He still sounds confused, but he’s trying to mask it under his cold expression.

You look at his face. You don’t know much about ethnic profiling but to you, he doesn’t look like he might be coming from Africa or Middle East. And there’s the fact that he speaks your language. Maybe with a weird intonation but it’s not an accent, it sounds more like a dialect.

“So please don’t call the police,” he requests and crosses his arms. “Or that ambu-thing.”

“You mean an ambulance?” You ask, taken aback. He doesn’t know what an ambulance is? Is there such a country that doesn’t have them?

He notices your dumbfounded look.

“Look. I can’t remember anything. Not where I came from or anything about how this place works. All I remember is that I’m a refugee and can’t get caught.”

“Can’t remember anything? You mean, you don’t even remember what ambulances are?”

“Yeah.” He’s standing still, gauging your reaction.

This turned out to be a lot more complicated than you initially thought.

What should you do now? He doesn’t want you to get officials involved in the fear of being deported, and you can’t leave him here to wander on his own. You sigh and curse a bit at yourself. You and your goody-two-shoes attitude.

“Get in,” you say and gesture towards your car. You take out the car keys and unlock the doors. He gives your car a wary look.

“You don’t remember what these are, either?” you ask. He shakes his head. You groan and open the passenger side door.

“It’s a car. You drive it to get from point A to point B.”

“Where are you planning to take me?” he asks and narrows his eyes. He doesn’t move towards the vehicle.

“My place. For tonight at least. I’ll figure out what to do with you tomorrow,” you tell him. It’s getting seriously late. You could just leave him here, but you know that if you read that he got himself killed because he wandered to the wrong side of the city, you would feel guilty.

“I don’t need charity from you,” the man announces and clicks his tongue. “I’ll manage on my own.”

“You don’t know anything about this city. You don’t even remember what cars are. I don’t want to find out you got yourself killed and know it’s partially my fault.”

“I won’t get killed,” he says and sounds dead serious. Cocky even. You glance at his outfit and purse your lips.

“Do you even have any money?” you ask. He shakes his head nonchalantly. You sigh.

“I don’t have time to argue with you right now. You need a place to sleep and I trust my instincts enough to let you stay over. You don’t look like the type to strangle me in my sleep. Without money, your only option is to sleep on the streets. Or would you prefer me to take you to a homeless shelter?”

He looks back and forth between you and the car, weighing his options. As if to prove your point, a couple of gunshots echo in the night. Must be a gang dispute. The sounds seem to make him make up his mind as he finally walks to the car.

You climb in the car and fasten your seatbelt. He moves to sit down on the passenger’s side and slams the door shut after himself. You turn the key in the lock and the engine starts smoothly. You turn to look at him. He sits completely still, his shoulders tense. It truly looks like he doesn’t remember what cars are.

“What is it?” he asks and turns to give you a cold look, it almost looks like he’s blaming you for his unfortunate situation. You stare at him for a few seconds before sighing and reaching over. You take the seatbelt and pull it over his body.

“What are you doing?” he asks sharply.

“Fastening your seatbelt,” you explain dully and click the lock in place. You lean back. He gives you a suspicious look and tests the restraints.

“It’s a safety precaution. If this car crashes, it keeps you from being ejected straight out of the front window,” you elaborate.

“Ejected? This thing goes that fast?” He suddenly looks a lot less enthusiastic about deciding to come with you. If such a thing is even possible.

At that, you grin a little. Your car might not be new or particularly luxurious, but it reaches speeds up to 160 kilometres per hour just fine. And speeding along the freeway at night is one of your favourite things.

“You’ll see,” you hum and start driving out of the parking lot. You just wish your instincts are right and this man is truly not going to take advantage of your kindness to harm you. But out of the options you have, it’s the one you prefer.

You drive in complete silence. The few times you glance to the passenger seat, the guy is just idly staring out of the window, deep in thought. Only when you enter the freeway and step on the gas he acknowledges you.

“Are you sure it’s safe? I don’t want to die crushed inside this thing,” he tells you matter-of-factly. You snort.

“I’ve never crashed,” you reply and only to piss him off more, you press the gas even harder. From the corner of your eye, you see him clutch his seat but otherwise, he remains composed.

After about twenty minutes of driving, you pull up in front of your apartment building. You park your car and crank up the handbrake before turning to look at him.

“See? I didn’t crash.”

He gives you a mildly annoyed look and tries to yank his seatbelt off. You reach to release the buckle and then do the same for yourself. You step out of the car and start walking towards the building. The man stops for a moment to observe his surroundings and jolts a little at the honk your car makes when you lock it.

He’s quiet next to you as you ride the elevator to the 8th floor. You unlock your apartment and let him inside. You weren’t counting on having guests over today, so you haven’t cleaned. Your school bag is tossed on the floor in the hallway, next to a messy pile of shoes. You kick off your boots and wander to the living room. A half-drunk coffee mug is forgotten on the coffee table, a few used clothes sprawled over the backrest of the couch. He follows you in and wrinkles his nose at the slight mess.

“I showered before I left work but you look like you haven’t bathed in days,” you tell him. “Sit down.”

You gesture towards the couch. He narrows his eyes and carefully moves your clothes away before obliging. He crosses his legs and arms.

“What a dump,” he mutters to himself and looks at the used coffee mug on the table disapprovingly. You roll your eyes and leave him be. Talk about biting the hand that feeds.

You go to your bedroom and start sorting through the closet. He’s a bit short but you should have something that would fit him. Eventually, you find a pair of sweatpants and a plain white T-shirt. You take them and a pair of boxers and socks and carry them to the living room.

“Here,” you hand him the clothes. “They might be a bit loose but it’s still better than nothing.”

He looks at the clothes and utters a small _hmm_.

“As far as I can tell, those are men’s clothes.”

“I’m glad you’re able to tell as much,” you snort, unimpressed.

“Isn’t he going to be angry? Your lover,” he says lazily and makes no move to take the clothes. “His woman is dragging a strange man to her home and giving him his clothes.”

“Then he should have thought twice before dragging a strange woman here first,” you reply coolly. “I kicked his ass out a month ago and he still hasn’t come to claim the rest of his things. So, I’m just going to assume they’re mine now.”

He hums a bit, now looking mildly amused, and then grabs the clothes without another word. He gets up to follow you to the bathroom. You take out a clean towel from the cabinets.

“Here,” you hand it to him. You walk to the bathroom door but pause before exiting.

“You have no idea what a shower is do you,” you realize and turn. He’s staring at you expressionlessly. You take that as a _yes._

You walk to the shower and turn the handle to make the water flow. He’s watching intently, his eyebrow arched up. It really doesn’t seem to ring any bells.

“Turn this knob to the left for hot water and to the right for cold water,” you instruct him. “And when you’re done, just turn this knob to the left.” You demonstrate and turn the water off. You go to the cabinets and rummage around a bit before you find what you’re looking for.

“Here,” you hand him a bottle of men’s shampoo and shower gel. “Use this for your hair and this for your body.”

He takes the bottles and you turn to leave the room. You close the door after yourself and sigh. Well, it’s a good thing your ex’s stuff is still here. At least something came out of that farce of a relationship.

You make some tea while the man is showering. You go through your fridge and finally grab a packaged sandwich you bought yesterday. You bet he’s hungry. You set the tea and sandwich on the coffee table and sit down on the couch with a sigh.

You still have no idea what to make of all this. You brought this man here because you felt sorry for him. Being in a foreign nation with amnesia, only remembering the fact that he can’t go back no matter what. Going to the immigration officials with nothing on him, no identification, claiming he has no memories, he’d probably get deported in a heartbeat. You got to admit, it is suspicious. As the refugee crisis continues in Europe, your country has tightened immigration laws considerably.

You think over his claims. They make sense given the circumstances, why he was all alone dressed up so weirdly. But something about it still doesn’t sit well with you. For someone with amnesia, he’s awfully calm. And when he claimed he was a refugee, he calculated carefully before saying it. But he did look legitimately lost when he saw your car and the shower. You doubt he would be able to fake such a reaction. And to you, for whatever reason it looked like he was trying to mask his ignorance.

The man comes out about twenty minutes later. He’s dressed in you ex’s clothes as he saunters to the living room. You were right, they are a bit loose on him, but not so much so that he’d be stumbling over the legs of his pants. He evaluates you for a while, water dripping from his hair to his shirt, before sitting down on the couch next to you.

“Eat,” you tell him and gesture towards the small meal on the coffee table. His eyes flash a bit when he notices the tea. He looks almost happy.

He takes a sip, and pauses.

“Not bad,” he finally relents and proceeds to drink it properly. You tilt your head to one side. Is that his version of a compliment?

“So, do you have a name?” you ask as he proceeds to take bites out of the sandwich in between drinking his tea. He doesn’t reply, and you take it as a no.

“I guess I need to give you one then,” you hum. You think it over.

“I had a dog when I was little. His name was Maurizio. How about that one?” you suggest and attempt a kind smile.

He pauses eating and turns to look at you. He blinks a couple of times, visibly annoyed.

“Levi,” he finally says, deadpan, and resumes eating. “But it doesn’t really matter. I’ll be gone soon enough. I just never want to hear such a ridiculous name being used when referring to me.”

“And what are you planning to do exactly, _Levi?_ ” you ask, unimpressed. “You have nothing. No money, no identification, no memories, nowhere to go.”

“I’ll figure something out,” he says. He doesn’t sound too worried. It sounds like he’s used to just figuring something out.

“But-”

“Listen, kid,” he interrupts you and places the tea cup down on the table. He gives you a cool look. “I can take care of myself.”

“Sure you can. You did a really decent job there, lying unconscious on the parking lot,” you snort. You lift your feet up to the couch and press your knees to your chest.

“Maybe your memories will come back soon. Don’t worry about it, just stay here for a couple of days.”

You feel responsible and it’s obvious Levi is in deep trouble. No matter where he’s from, it’s obvious he can’t go back. And if he ends up in the hands of the officials, they would probably send him out of the country. Or put him in custody while trying to figure out where exactly he should be deported to.

He narrows his eyes and looks at you, openly measuring you up.

“What do you want?” he suddenly asks.

“Huh?”

“I may not have my memories, but I do know a few things about the world. Such charity from a stranger, there is always a catch. You know I don’t have money, so what are you trying to get out of this?”

“Nothing,” you reply with a shrug. “Is human decency such an unfathomable concept to you? You need help, and I’m giving it to you. That’s that.”

You get up from the couch and stretch your limbs. You’re tired.

“Just sleep. At least for tonight.”

You walk to your bedroom and take out a spare pillow and blanket. You hand them to Levi and he takes them without complaints. He doesn’t look like he’s given up on the idea of leaving first thing tomorrow morning, but at least for tonight he seems resigned to stay here.

He burrows himself in the blanket without a word until you can only see the tip of his head. He almost looks like a sulking kid.

You turn the lights off on your way to the bedroom.

“Good night, Levi,” you wish him. He doesn’t respond.

-

When you wake up the next morning, it takes you a while to remember everything. As you stare at the ceiling, you slowly recall back to the night before. You seriously wonder if you made a mistake bringing a stranger into your house like that. But at least he didn’t kill you in your sleep. That counts for something.

You get up and stretch your arms over your head. You hear a couple of satisfying pops from your back and let out a relieved breath. You scratch your head sleepily and look around. Everything around you is untouched, including your wallet on the bedside table and your laptop on your desk. So, he didn’t rob you, either.

You walk out of the bedroom, dressed in nothing but a pair of underwear and a loose T-shirt. As you reach the living room, you notice Levi is already up.

He’s sitting on the couch, his back against the armrest. He’s still wearing your ex’s clothes and you notice that as a result of sleeping, his hair is a slight mess. In his hands, he has a book. He’s shuffling through it with a tense expression.

You notice it’s one of your history books. You purchased a bunch from a flea market a couple of months back because they were practically free. He must have retrieved it from the bookshelf.

“Interested in history?” you ask as you pass by him and walk to the kitchen.

“Not really,” Levi replies. He doesn’t detach his eyes from the book. You turn on the electric kettle and take out a mug.

“Do you want some coffee?” you ask him as you take out a jar of instant coffee. He shakes his head. You shrug and take out another mug to prepare him some tea instead. He seemed to like it last night.

You still have a couple of hours before you need to leave for class. You prepare a simple breakfast of some toast and leftover boiled eggs from the morning before. You place his tea and toast on the coffee table and then saunter to eat your breakfast at the small dining table situated in the corner of the living room.

It maybe should feel a bit weirder, having a strange man casually sitting on your couch, but you notice that you don’t feel uneasy. Levi hasn’t done anything to raise any red flags.

Levi closes the book and glances at the food you gave him. Ignoring the toast and egg, he instantly goes for the tea.

“What do you know about the year 850?” he asks and eyes you over his tea mug.

“850?” You frown. “It’s the Middle Ages. Lots of wars, third of Europe died of plague, the church controlled everything, everyone was miserable and died young,” you repeat what you recall from your history lessons.

“What kind of wars?”

“Mainly nobles squabbling over land and resources,” you shrug. You don’t know the details.

“That’s all?” he asks, eyes flashing strangely. You cross your legs and lean your cheek on your hand, giving him a bored look.

“What else is there to war? Just people killing each other for this or that reason.”

“People killing each other… You haven’t heard the word titan before?” he keeps inquiring. You give him a confused look.

“Titan? What the hell is that?” You’ve never heard of such a thing.

He sighs and tears his eyes off you, thoughtful and grim. It’s as if your reply confirms something to him.

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” Levi avoids your question. You raise an eyebrow.

“Are you claiming you’re a time-traveller or something? Because if you are, I might just have to drive you over to the psych ward.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Levi snorts but he doesn’t sound so sure himself. “Either way, I’ve decided,” he announces. “I’m going to take you up on your offer and stay here for a couple of days.”

“Oh?” you ask and nibble on the corner of your toast.

“So long as you know that I have nothing to repay you with. I have no idea why you insist on being such a good girl, but my most realistic chance of surviving this mess is to take advantage of that shtick of yours for the time being.”

“A shtick, huh,” you repeat dully and stare into your coffee mug. Well, you suppose he’s right.

“Don’t expect me to bow down and cry at your selflessness. But you do have my gratitude,” he says, reluctantly so, and crosses his arms. You glance at him and chuckle.

“Sure.”

At least the next couple of days will be interesting, amongst your otherwise boring and ordinary life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well what do you know, in the midst of writing another fic, I got this strange urge to write one that takes place in the modern world. I intended to just start it a bit and maybe get back to it once Landlocked is done. But eight hours later, I ended up with a full chapter. I should've seen it coming though, lol.
> 
> This will probably be a 10-parter but we'll see where I end up with this brain of mine.
> 
> Either way, if you like a happy and productive author, then please consider leaving a comment. They really make my day!


	2. Chapter 2

When you get home from classes that day, you’re half expecting Levi to have changed his mind and left. But when you open the door, you see his boots are still in the hallway, along with your shoes, all neatly lined up. You kick your shoes off and drop your bag on the floor, advancing towards the living room. You’re beat and just want to sit down.

Wait a minute. All neatly lined up?!

You turn to confirm what you just saw. Your shoes have been arranged in a row. And now that you mention it, your coats and jackets have also been sorted out, according to color with the hangars all facing the same direction.

“Levi?” you call into the apartment with a frown. There’s no reply, but when you walk into the living room, you see him on the couch, idly reading another one of your books. The living room is spotless as well. Your coffee mug is gone from the table, your clothes are neatly folded on the couch next to Levi and there’s not a speck of dust anywhere.

“Did you clean?” you ask, astonished. He doesn’t acknowledge you in any way, his eyes steadily moving over the text he’s reading. You go to stand in front of him and cross your arms.

“You don’t need to do that,” you tell him.

“I didn’t do it out of gratitude,” he tells you dully, eyes still glued to the book. “I just can’t stand a mess.”

You hum, non-committal, and wander to the now spotless kitchen. It’s already 5 p.m. and you doubt Levi has managed to figure out the concept of fridges and microwaves. Thus, he must not have eaten since this morning.

“Do you eat anything? No allergies?” you call out to him. “I really don’t feel like cooking today so I’m thinking of just baking a frozen pizza.” You pause for a moment. There’s no reply.

“Pizza is essentially like a pie. You have dough on the bottom and then on top some tomato sauce and usually meat and cheese-“ you start explaining.

“Whatever’s fine,” Levi replies. He sounds a bit annoyed. “You don’t need to concern yourself with what I find appetizing.”

You shrug and turn on the oven. It is true that Levi is living here on your good graces, you shouldn’t mind him too much. But a guest is still a guest.

While you wait for the oven to be ready, you go to the bedroom to get changed. Thankfully, Levi had enough courtesy to stay out and not clean there. You change into a T-shirt and shorts and pull on a large hoodie. You don’t need to leave home again today. You do need to do some studying later but as for now, you just prefer to relax for a while.

You put the pizza in the oven and then walk to the living room. You slump on the couch next to Levi, on top of the clothes Levi folded while you were gone, and stretch your arms.

“Did you just read and clean today?” you ask him. He glances at you over the book and nods.

“It’s not like I have much to do here anyway,” he tells you dully. He’s not complaining, just stating a fact. And it’s not like he’s wrong.

You sit there in silence, he’s gone back to reading the book and you look around the living room in boredom. Being trapped in such a small apartment, it must be frustrating. Maybe you can find something to keep him occupied.

You reach for the remote control and turn on the TV.

“Here,” you tell him and show him the remote. “I’ll teach you how to use the TV. You just press here to turn it on and off. Then these numbers here change the program. Just press a number and it’ll go to the corresponding channel.”

He looks at the remote, only mildly interested, and then turns his eyes to the TV. It’s playing a re-run of a popular drama. You change the channel to a game show and give him the remote.

“Just find something that seems interesting,” you tell him and get up to retrieve the pizza from the oven. You hear him start going through the channels and each time he switches the channel, you hear him utter a dissatisfied _tsch._ His grumpiness towards modern technology is amusing and almost cute in a way.

You take out the pizza and proceed to cut it in four equal pieces.

As you’re about to take out some plates, you can suddenly hear loud moans and grunts coming from the TV. You roll your eyes. You should have seen it coming. Of course he would be intrigued by porn of all things.

You set two pieces on each plate and take them to the living room. Levi is looking at the graphic scene now displayed on the TV with unreadable eyes. It’s your typical porn, a hunky guy screwing a teen girl from behind.

“Really?” you ask him, unimpressed and sit down on the couch. You take a slice of pizza and bite into it. He gives you a cool look and changes the channel again. He doesn’t seem embarrassed or even affected.

“Just what kind of world is this? That kind of thing being openly displayed,” he asks you, looking at the TV with disdain.

“Sex sells,” you shrug. You know that better than most, even if you don’t go as far as having sex for money. “I’m sure that’s a universal truth no matter where you go.”

Levi remains quiet for a while.

“Yeah. It is,” he finally replies and grabs his plate. He eyes the food suspiciously but when he takes a bite, he doesn’t look disgusted. He looks mildly surprised and then proceeds to eat with decent appetite. You were right. He must have been hungry.

You point towards the kitchen.

“That thing over there,” you start. “That white cabinet. It’s called a fridge. It’s cold and you can store food in it. When I’m not home, feel free to take whatever you want from there. Just don’t try to use the stovetop or oven. I don’t want to come back home just to find out you managed to burn the whole place down.”

He clicks his tongue and doesn’t say anything as he eats, but his eyes are on the fridge. At least he’s listening to you.

“Oh, and you can use the shower whenever. I’ll show you where I keep that asshole’s clothes. Just use them as you see fit.”

“You’re still acting like you don’t mind me staying here,” Levi observes. He sets the plate down, having eaten one of the pizza slices, and turns to look at you solemnly. He narrows his eyes.

“Are you trying to replace that lover of yours with me?”

You stare at him and blink. Once, twice.

Then, you burst out laughing. You take support from his shoulder as you shake with laughter, while simultaneously banging your fist into your chest to keep yourself from choking.

“What a stupid thing to say,” you reply once you’ve calmed down enough. You’re a bit out of breath. “For starters, that guy is much taller than you. And younger. And rich. And he’s a cheating asshole. If I wanted a man that badly, I wouldn’t pick up a random homeless guy.”

You could just pick one of your customers.

He shrugs your hand off his shoulder and leans back on the couch.

“Then that’s good,” he says coolly. “I was just making sure. It would make things needlessly complicated.”

“Trust me, I’m not into short old geezers,” you tell him and take the second slice of pizza in your hands. He smirks a bit, not at all offended by your choice of words. If anything, he looks amused.

“And I’m not into short little kids like you,” he clarifies. You chuckle.

“I’m 23 you know,” you point out.

“That’s still a kid.”

“Whatever you say, grandpa,” you roll your eyes.

-

The next day, you come home from college just to see Levi on the couch as usual. You taught him how to use the electric kettle last night so he can make himself some tea on his own. He’s proven to have taken you up on that offer as there is a cup of tea in his hands. His eyes are glued to the TV.

“We’re running low on food. I’ll need to go grocery shopping today,” you tell him as you put your bag down on the floor next to the dining table. He glances over at you just to give the bag a disapproving look.

Right, he doesn’t like mess. Especially not the way you seem to have a talent for messing up whatever he’s just managed to tidy without even realizing it. You leave the bag where it is and walk to the couch. Levi absent-mindedly moves a bit so you have enough space to sit down.

“This…” he starts and nods to the TV. “Is this woman telling the truth?” He’s clearly waited for you to come home so he can ask.

You turn to look at the TV. It’s the news channel.

“Yeah. It’s the news. Its primary goal is to tell people what’s going on in the world,” you explain. Levi narrows his eyes a bit.

“She’s saying there’s war someplace called Syria. If there’s a war going on, why is it so calm and quiet in here?”

You blink.

“Because it’s in Syria, not here,” you reply, confused. “That’s halfway across the globe. We do get refugees from that place and aid the government with taking down the enemy but otherwise, the effects of the war don’t really reach here.”

He gives you a look you’ve gotten to know well during the last couple of days. It’s the _‘I have no idea what you’re talking about but my pride keeps me from asking’_ -look. You sigh, resigned.

“Okay, wait here,” you tell him and go to your bedroom. There, in one of the closets, you have some things you don’t actively need but didn’t want to throw away when you moved here. With a bit of rummaging, you find what you’re looking for and walk to the living room with it.

“Here,” you tell him and place the small globe on the table. You got it from your parents when you were ten. You had a geography quiz coming up and the names and locations of foreign countries just didn’t stick in your head. Thus, you tried to study with this. You still failed, if you recall correctly.

“This is Earth,” you explain. You spin the globe until you find Europe. “This is where we are,” you point at your country. “We’ve been stable for a long time. Europe hasn’t seen war in about 75 years. Thanks to this thing called the EU, Europe is more or less united with minimal border control on people who live within member countries.”

You turn the globe again until you find the Americas.

“Here’s North and South America,” you continue. “From European point of view, they’re important trading partners and our relations are good. USA and Canada especially,” you point at the corresponding countries, “are largely made up of European immigrants who left for America during the last couple hundred years. Mostly in hopes of finding riches or improving their quality of life.”

You move to Asia.

“Asia is the largest and most diverse continent. It has both extremely wealthy and extremely poor countries. Most fall somewhere in the middle, though. The war you’re talking about takes place in this area.” You tap Syria on the map. “This country and those around it have been very unstable for a while now. Recently, it’s been a power struggle between the governments of these countries and an extremist terrorist group that wants to unite Middle East under its rule.”

“So what you’re saying,” Levi starts as he looks at the globe thoughtfully, “is that humans exist in practically every corner of the world?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Aside from a couple of remote islands, if there’s land, there’s people.”

“And if you wanted to get from here to another _continent_ , as you called it? Can you just march in?” he asks, looking somewhat intrigued.

“Well, it depends on the country you want to travel to. Most countries have some sort of international agreement that lets people visit freely for a short time. If you want to move to another country, however, it might get complicated.”

He takes the globe in his hand and twirls it a few times. It’s clearly caught his interest. He stops to look at the Pacific Ocean, a small frown appearing on his features.

“So how much can you remember?” you ask him. “You remember your own name and the fact you’re a refugee. Anything else?”

He gives you a dull look and sets the globe back on the coffee table.

“You do know how to read and you speak my language,” you continue. “You remembered tea and that you like drinking it. And for whatever reason you were interested in the year 850.”

Still no response.

“What’s two plus two?” you ask him innocently. He turns to give you an annoyed look, his glare getting even more murderous when he notices the teasing grin on your face.

“I know how to count,” he states and clicks his tongue. You grin even wider at his annoyed disposition. He turns his eyes away. “What a bothersome woman,” he mutters under his breath.

You chuckle, not offended at all.

“Well, I need to go to work tomorrow, so this bothersome woman needs to go shopping tonight,” you tell him. You look at his grim face and hum.

You stand up and give him a small smile. “Get up,” you say. “You must feel pretty depressed, staying indoors like this for days.” If he wants to figure out a way to survive in this environment, he needs to get used to it first. He can’t really go out on his own, at least not yet, but joining you for grocery shopping might just lighten his mood a little.

He seems to be thinking along the same lines, because he gets up without a word of protest.

“How compliant you are today,” you tell him, amused.

“Shut up, shitty kid.”

You laugh at his words. His voice lacks the usual bite. He seems to be getting used to you.

-

Levi doesn’t say a thing as you walk to the grocery store. He stops a few times to look around, especially confused by the concept of traffic lights, but he doesn’t act up or try to stray away on his own. Still, he’s paying attention to everything, trying to learn as many things as he can now that he’s outside.

You walk inside the supermarket and notice from the corner of your eye that Levi tenses at the automatic doors. You grab a basket and take out the shopping list from your pocket.

“Let’s see…” you start. “We’ll need some fresh vegetables, maybe some fruit as well for a snack. What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?” you turn to ask him. He’s standing behind you, his arms crossed.

“Don’t care,” he says nonchalantly. You shrug. Well, it’s not like he knows what kind of meals your typical modern world person eats.

You walk along the aisles, idly putting items in your shopping basket, and try to think what to have for dinner. Levi doesn’t seem to mind either way, so you can just have something you like yourself.

You don’t realize Levi’s no longer behind you until you’re almost at the checkout. When you notice he’s gone, you sigh to yourself tiredly. That bothersome old man. You hope he hasn’t left the store as you turn back to go looking for him.

You find him in front of the meat counter. He’s stopped to look at the fish section, especially the whole fish on display. His face is expressionless as always, but there’s a certain intrigue in his eyes.

“What? Now you decide you want to eat fish?” You approach him and cross your arms.

“Fish,” he repeats, as if confirming the term to himself for future use.

You stare at him, stunned.

“Wait, don’t tell me-” you start but stop abruptly when a few people walk past you. You lean in and lower your voice. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a fish before!” you hiss at him. He gives you his usual, annoyed look.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! What’s next, you’re going to tell me you’ve never seen the ocean, either,” you roll your eyes but stop midway as you read Levi’s dull expression.

“What are you, a caveman?!” you whisper, exasperated. You’re almost impressed by all the things he doesn’t seem to remember.

He turns to leave, having lost interest now that he’s got a name for the weird creatures on display. You stare at the fish counter for a while before you make up your mind and order a fillet of salmon.

“I didn’t ask you to buy any,” Levi tells you coolly when you catch up with him.

“You wouldn’t ask me even if you wanted it,” you tell him. “And I’m not doing it for you. I want to eat fish tonight.”

He looks at the pink block of meat suspiciously. You suppose it’s not the most appetizing of sights raw.

“What a weird place,” he then says, more to himself than you. “This much food in one place, no police or guards anywhere. Surely there are thieves every day.”

“Most people are not starving. Or even poor,” you explain with a shrug. “And there are precautions. Those gates we walked through when we came in, they can detect if you’re carrying something you didn’t pay for and will make a loud sound.”

You walk to the checkout and start lining up your groceries on the belt. He watches quietly as you pay with your card and pack up the items. It must all be baffling to him. Grocery stores, paying with a card, alarm gates, all that.

You walk outside and stop with a hum. It’s getting a bit dark but the air is still pleasantly warm. Tomorrow, you don’t need to wake up too early, you only go to work in the evening. You’re looking forward to going home, having a good dinner and just chilling by the TV. Maybe you’ll even manage to get Levi into one of your favourite shows on Netflix.

“Hey,” Levi calls to you. You give him an arched eyebrow. He looks at you for a while and then holds out his hand. “Give me those,” he commands and glances at the two full bags of groceries you’re now carrying.

“What? Do I look like such a weak maiden?” you chuckle.

He keeps looking at you expectantly. Well, you don’t have any protests. And it’s nice, you suppose, that he’s volunteering to do something to help.

You hand him the bags. He easily takes both in one hand and starts walking towards your apartment. The weight of the bags doesn’t seem to be slowing him down at all.

Right, he’s strong. You recall the strength in his grip when he grabbed your wrist on that parking lot.

“I could get used to this,” you hum as you walk along the dim streets. “Having a servant to carry my groceries.”

He gives you a glance from the corner of his eye.

“I told you, I’m only staying for a couple of days.”

-

A couple of hours later, you have taken a nice relaxing shower and prepared dinner. Levi is sitting at the dining table for a change, watching with sharp eyes as you place a piece of fish on his plate with some boiled potatoes and steamed vegetables. You assemble a portion for yourself and then take the leftovers back to the stovetop.

He takes the fork and pokes at the fish. You chuckle at the sight. You sit down and proceed to eat without restraints. You’re hungry. Levi watches you eat and then cautiously takes some of the fish to his lips.

He chews with a thoughtful look. When he’s swallowed, he instantly goes for another bite. You take it as a sign that it doesn’t taste horrible.

“I’ll leave for work tomorrow evening. I won’t be home until early morning so you should just eat the leftovers from tonight when you get hungry,” you tell him.

His eyes flash a little at that.

“A night job, huh,” he says lazily, gaze evaluating you.

You nod but don’t elaborate any further. He seemed to be so disapproving of the porn earlier. You don’t want to find out how he’ll feel about sharing a living space with a go-go dancer. Not that he’ll know what it is, but the best explanation you can come up with is along the lines of _‘I get paid to shake my ass in skimpy clothes for thirsty guys in bars’_.

It’s a temporary job for you. Your studies will be wrapped up in a couple of years and then, you will find different work. Not that you see anything morally wrong with your current job. It pays well, the night hours suit your schedule and you enjoy dancing. Plus, you’re always on stage, out of the reach of people, so most of the time you can pretend there’s no one watching.

“I’m guessing getting a job of my own is going to be a pain,” Levi tuts in annoyance.

“Well, let’s see… No identification, no last name, no permanent home address… Unless you’re willing to be an errand boy for the mafia or gangs, I’d say your chances of getting a job are comfortably at zero percent,” you tell him honestly.

He contemplates your words quietly, looking out of the window.

“Don’t even think about it,” you snap, unimpressed.

“About what?” he gives you a dull look.

“About working for the mafia or gangs. Once you get sucked into that kind of lifestyle, you’ll never get out.”

“Do you honestly think I don’t know that,” he snorts in annoyance. “Still. I don’t intend to live off other people’s pity forever.”

“I have no problem with you being here,” you sigh. “Just forget about doing such reckless things. We’ll figure something out when you get your memories back.”

“We, huh.” Levi’s eyes turn a bit colder. “I don’t remember agreeing to you sticking your nose in my business.”

“It’s already stuck in your business,” you tell him and shovel a piece of potato in your mouth. “At this point, I don’t feel comfortable letting you leave if I’m not sure you’ll be alright. I want you to have a viable plan for the long term.”

“Still going with that good girl act of yours?” he asks, not convinced, and leans back on his chair. “It’s fine and all, if you’re stupid enough to allow me to leech off you like this, but you’ll run out of money and patience eventually.”

“What a ray of sunshine you are,” you laugh and finish your food. “I don’t know what kind of world you used to live in up until now, but it’s different here. You don’t need a specific reason to give a fuck.”

You get up and take your plate to put it in the dishwasher. As you’re standing by the sink, rinsing the dishes, you feel him hovering behind you.

“What? Done with the fish already?” you ask. You switch off the water and turn around.

Levi is standing about a meter behind you, eyes hard and unreadable. He approaches you slowly, giving you plenty of time to flee. You don’t.

He slams his palms against the counter, one on each side of your body. You lean your upper body back a bit, surprised but not afraid. Even though for the first time ever, he looks intimidating.

“I really don’t get you,” he says coldly. “Even for such a ridiculously safe and boring society, you’re way too trusting. What are you after?”

You stare up at him and meet his eyes. You do your best not to blink or cower under his grim gaze.

“If I so desired, I could hurt you, or have my way with you,” he tells you, tone harsh. But he doesn’t make a move to do either of those things.

“I gathered as much before I brought you here,” you tell him, keeping your voice as steady as possible. You refuse to get scared.

“And I haven’t exactly been nice to you,” Levi continues and leans in a little. “So why do you insist on going out of your way to help me? Are you really that lonely?”

At that, you flinch involuntarily.

He catches that and hums lazily, a smirk creeping on his face.

“I see. I’m starting to see what’s going on here. You’re lonely. So desperate to be needed that you’re willing to go to such ridiculous lengths to have that void filled. Are you really that torn apart by your man cheating on you?”

You take a couple of deep breaths to calm yourself down. Maybe Levi’s words have a glimmer of truth to them, but that’s not the whole story.

“I want to believe in humanity. Is that such a ridiculous thing to hope for?” you ask. Your eyes are calm, your gaze unwavering under Levi’s scrutiny.

“Humanity?” All of a sudden, Levi’s eyes grow brighter, widening slightly. As if your words are reminding him of something he’s almost forgotten.

“I took you in because I want to believe in people. If I’m wrong, then that’s my own fault and I’ll face the consequences for my naivety. So, if you’re going to hurt me, then do it,” you tell him. You don’t try to push him away or fight him. If he’s truly a bad person who’s going to harm you, then there’s nothing you can do. You knew there was always a chance of that happening, and took that risk willingly.

But when you look in Levi’s eyes, you see the truth. You knew the truth the first time you saw him, confused and lost on that parking lot. He’s not going to hurt you.

Levi looks at you for a while longer, a frown on his face. Finally, he pulls his arms away and stands back.

“Maybe you’re not as naïve as I initially took you for,” he hums, sounding almost impressed.

You give him a small, playful glare and roll your eyes.

“Eat your fish, old man.”

He gives you an amused smile that almost reaches his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi will come around, I promise! He won't be that grumpy for the rest of the fic. Poor baby just has a lot going on right now. But he's slowly letting his guard down and he will grow to like reader.
> 
> Whenever I get stuck with my writing, I re-read the kind and encouraging comments you guys have left me. I really love them. So, if you like this story and have a spare minute, please consider leaving a comment, even a short one! :)


	3. Chapter 3

The air inside the nightclub is thick and smells of alcohol and tobacco. The beat of the music is thundering all around you and you feel yourself drown in the sound as you move your body. Tonight, you’re not on stage but in a booth, so you don’t need to memorize any complicated choreographies. You’re dressed in a tiny leather vest that hardly covers your breasts. The skirt is so short the people watching you can see your underwear without any difficulties.

You sway your hips, perk up your ass, whip your hair, do everything by the book, but your mind is somewhere completely else.

You wonder if Levi managed to heat up the leftovers from last night. You showed him how the microwave works. You wonder if he’s watching the news, or maybe taking a shower. You wonder what you should make for dinner tomorrow.

It’s only been a few days but you already know that you like it. Having someone to go home to, having someone to bicker with when you’re bored. Even if it’s only for a while and Levi will leave without a glance back when he figures out a plan.

Thinking about that kind of mundane things, you dance the night away.

When you step down from the booth, you’re drenched in sweat. The night club is closing and starting to clear of customers. You look around and quickly collect the tips people have tossed at you while you were dancing. Saturdays are always so profitable.

You walk in the dressing room and slump down on the bench. It’s a small room with just a few lockers for staff, a bench and a full-length mirror. The dressing room is connected to a shower cubicle. You lean back and take a look at yourself in the mirror. You’re wearing heavy make-up and your hair is styled with a large amount of hairspray. You don’t want to go home like this.

You grab a towel from your locker and go into the small shower. You’ll need to take your outfit home today for washing, it’s starting to smell. You just hope Levi doesn’t get into doing the laundry. One look at your dancing costume and he’ll probably know exactly what line of work you have taken.

You step under the warm spray and sigh.

Why would you care that much, though? It’s not like you’re doing anything illegal. It’s Levi who falls closer to the shady side of the spectrum. But for whatever reason, you have a feeling Levi is going to judge you if he finds out what your job exactly is.

You quickly wash your body and hair and step out of the shower. You pull on loose sweatpants and a T-shirt, not bothering with a bra. You’ll just get home and sleep anyway.

The drive back feels longer than usual. You really wore yourself out in that booth. But that’s always the case on Saturdays. There are a lot of people out during the weekend, and you need to compete for the attention and try to get as much cash as you can.

You try to be as quiet as possible as you tiptoe inside your home. Your hair is still a little damp, you hastily pulled it up on a ponytail before leaving work. The apartment is completely quiet and dark. It’s almost 4 a.m. after all.

You walk through the living room and go get yourself a glass of water. You open and close the tap as noiselessly as you can and wince a bit when the glass makes a small sound as you place it down on the counter.

On the couch, you can see Levi. He’s completely burrowed under the blanket save for his head. You hear his steady breathing. You walk back to the living room, intending to just visit the bathroom to brush your teeth and go to bed, but you find yourself pausing in front of the couch.

It’s only been a couple of days but it feels familiar, having Levi here. Even if it’s just temporary. You watch his features in the darkness. He’s curled up on his side, eyes closed and expression peaceful. It’s weird seeing him without his usual frown. His hair is a bit tousled up and you feel a sudden urge to touch it. You keep your hands at bay.

You turn to walk away.

“Watching people while they’re sleeping is creepy.”

You look back to the couch and see Levi. His eyes are open and twinkling in the darkness, observing you coolly.

“I was just hoping you’d say something embarrassing in your sleep,” you retort with a small smirk. He snorts and pulls the blanket tighter over himself. Your grin melts down to a smile.

“Good night, Levi,” you wish him gently and turn to leave.

“G’night.” His reply is quiet, grumpy, and muffled against his pillow, but you hear it loud and clear. You chuckle to yourself. When you come back from the bathroom, his breathing is steady again.

-

You don’t wake up until well into the afternoon. When you open your eyes, it takes you a moment to notice the constant sound of raindrops against your window. You sit up and glance at your alarm clock. It’s almost 1 p.m. You contemplate sleeping for a bit longer, but you know Levi is probably hungry.

You get up and wander to the bathroom. You quickly freshen up and then make your way to the living room. Levi is sitting by the dining table, staring out of the window with a cup of tea in his hands. The rain is pouring down relentlessly.

“Huh,” you sigh. “There goes my plan of going out for a jog.” You walk to the kitchen and start preparing some coffee for yourself. Levi doesn’t reply, he keeps staring outside, cradling the tea mug in his hands.

“Do you think it’ll keep raining all day?” you ask. You set a cup of coffee on the table and go grab Levi’s blanket from the couch. You sit down opposite him and pull the fabric over yourself with a yawn.

“Probably,” Levi answers simply. He glances at you and narrows his eyes a bit when he realizes you’re happily cuddled up under his blanket, but he doesn’t say anything in protest. Not worth the effort, you surmise.

You turn to the window and look at the grey clouds. They’re thick and don’t seem to be moving. Looks like you’re stuck indoors for today.

“Do you miss it? Where you’re from,” you ask after a moment of comfortable silence. You’re not going to confront him about the things you have gathered, or your personal deductions about where he came from. But the more you’ve spent time with him, the less you buy his claim about having amnesia. You don’t know the full story and you don’t intend to ask, you’re sure Levi has his circumstances, but what you’ve researched about amnesia, he really doesn’t fit the profile. He’s oblivious to many things, but most of it is common knowledge or modern technology.

For now, you’re just going to have to make amends with the fact that his whole existence is a mystery.

Levi seems to have realized that you don’t exactly believe his story, because he doesn’t try to feed you an excuse.

“As if. That shithole of a place,” he snorts. But he doesn’t sound like he’s entirely glad to be out of there. You look at him, his grim face and conflicted frown.

“You must have left some things behind,” you reply with a thoughtful hum. You sip on your coffee and grunt. “Dammit, I knew I should have added a bit more milk.”

Levi looks at you for a few seconds, expecting you to get up and retrieve some from the fridge. But you’re comfortable where you’re sitting, wrapped in a fluffy blanket. He clucks his tongue in annoyance and gets up. He grabs a carton of milk from the fridge and slams it down on the table, giving you a glare as if you asked him to do such a thing.

“Be still my heart,” you chuckle as you add the milk in your coffee. You sip again and let out a satisfied _ahh_. “That hits the spot.”

But you know as well as Levi does that he did that to avoid commenting on your thoughts. Well, it’s not like you expected a reply to begin with. It was a mere observation. He must have things he misses. Places, memories, people… Maybe even a special someone.

The image invades your brain without your consent just as you take another sip of your coffee. Him hugging and kissing a faceless woman, swearing his unyielding love for her. The mere mental image is enough to make you spit out your coffee and engage in a furious mixture of coughing and laughing.

“Whatever you’re imagining, stop it,” Levi tells you dully. “You’re making a creepy face.”

You continue chuckling to yourself. Levi’s eyes move from your face to the blanket.

“Tsch. You got it all filthy,” he points out. You glance down and see that some of the coffee you spat out ended up on the linen. You sigh.

“Well, better wash it right away before the stain has time to set.” You get up from the chair and down the rest of the coffee with a couple of deep draughts. “Come on then. I might as well show you how the laundry machine works.”

He follows you to the bathroom. You tear the sheet away and toss it in the laundry machine.

“Let’s see, I’m pretty sure I have some towels I can wash with this…” you start. You take the laundry basket and carelessly dump everything in it on the bathroom floor.

“Towels, towels…” you murmur to yourself as you kneel and start going through the pile. Eventually, you find a couple and show them to Levi. “You usually wash linen and towels in 60 degrees and clothes in 40,” you explain.

Levi’s not looking at you. He’s looking at something on the floor with unreadable eyes. You turn to see, and when you realize what he’s staring at, you curse under your breath.

It’s your outfit from last night. You even went as far as hiding it deep in the laundry basket, but now it’s on the floor, in plain sight. The short skirt, miniscule vest and flimsy panties don’t leave much to imagination.

“Hmm,” Levi hums. “So, you do _that_ after all.”

His voice doesn’t give anything away. Whether he’s indifferent, revolted or even angry.

You should say something, maybe crack a joke, or make an excuse. Instead, you blurt out the only thing in your mind, your voice almost desperate for a reason you can’t fathom yourself.

“I’m not a prostitute!”

You know at least a few feminists at your college who would be extremely upset with you right now. Desperately trying to differentiate yourself from people whose profession you unconsciously view as lowly. It’s not that you despise people who do that. It’s really not. You believe that essentially, everyone can do whatever they want with their own bodies. If it’s something they chose of their own free will, you respect that.

But for whatever reason, you don’t want Levi to think that you win your bread by spreading your legs to anyone who’s willing to pay enough. You know a couple of your co-workers do that, it earns them extra cash, and they seem relatively alright with it. But you never even considered expanding to that territory.

“Not… Not that there would be anything wrong with that if I was,” you continue. Levi’s eyes flash with something you can’t recognize but he’s looking at you now, still expressionless.

“I’m a dancer. A go-go dancer. I… dress in that and dance in bars.”

He stays quiet for a while, weighing your words.

“Poor things,” he finally says and grabs the towels from your hand. “Paying to see such a short little brat do that kind of thing. They must be desperate.”

His words should maybe offend you, but his tone is indifferent, verging on almost playful. You release a breath you didn’t even notice you were holding and give him a small glare.

“For your information, I’m good at it,” you tell him coolly. “You should come see it sometime. Then again, it might be too much for your elderly heart.”

“Aren’t you being confident,” Levi hums. “Is that why you showered so diligently before getting home last night? So I wouldn’t find out and think of you as a promiscuous woman?”

The way you avoid his gaze tells him enough. He sighs, irritated.

“I’m not your husband or your father. How you earn your living is not any concern of mine.”

“I just didn’t want you to decide that you won’t live off money earnt in such a _dirty_ way or whatever and run back to being homeless,” you retort.

Maybe he can sense your insecurity, or maybe he just wants to drop the subject. He reaches a hand and pats your head nonchalantly before turning to inspect the washing machine. Coming from him, that’s the equivalent of giving you a warm embrace.

Instantly, you feel better.

-

The day goes by slowly. The rain doesn’t seem to be letting up so you opt to just lounge on the couch and use the chance to have Levi learn things about your culture.

It’s what you tell yourself when you fondle the controller of your PlayStation 4, mindlessly scrolling through Netflix to find yet another movie to watch.

Levi wasn’t very interested in _Pirates of the Caribbean_ or _Spirited Away_. He did get moderately invested in _Fight Club_ and _Reservoir Dogs_.

“Do you have any requests? What kind of movie would you like to see next?” you ask. He gives you a rather bored look and shrugs.

“Just choose whatever strikes your fancy.”

Maybe it’s because of your exchange earlier about your line of work, but he’s not complaining or objecting. He’s quietly sitting next to you, putting up with whatever you want to do. It’s almost unnerving. Frankly, you would prefer if he protested, or picked up his book and didn’t try to pretend to be interested.

“Levi.” You put the controller down and turn so that you’re leaning against the armrest, facing him properly.

“What?”

“How do you really feel about my job?”

If he’s disgusted, you want to hear it from his mouth. If he really doesn’t care, you want to hear that too. Back in the bathroom, he was being considerate of your feelings and decided to avoid voicing his opinion.

“What about it?” Levi asks and crosses his legs. He gives you a wary glance before firmly gluing his eyes to the TV, pretending to look at the catalogue of entertainment lined up before him.

“Do you think it’s disgusting?” you ask, voice serious. “I don’t need you to conserve my feelings. I know you don’t give a flying fuck about me on a personal level,”

Levi’s eyes snap back to you like a whip.

“but I want to hear it. You come from a completely different culture, I won’t hold it against you. But don’t try to be nice to me. It’s creepy.”

And having Levi worry about your feelings is making you uncomfortable, for reasons you can’t even start to comprehend. Not yet.

“Yeah. I think it’s disgusting,” Levi says after a long, heavy silence. You clutch the controller in your hand. Your stomach sinks. You knew it.

“Lecherous pigs gathering together to drool, using their money to gawk at things they could never even dream to have.” Levi wrinkles his nose.

You were prepared to feel hurt. You really were. You were prepared to hear him call you cheap. But you weren’t expecting this. You blink.

“So… You think the guys who come to see me dance are disgusting?”

“Yeah.”

“You think they’re disgusting. What about me?”

“You’re exploiting their disgusting, primitive urges. If anything, it’s smart.”

You look at him. He meets your eyes dead on and doesn’t waver. Slowly, you lick your lips that suddenly feel dry. You see his eyes flicker to your mouth for a second before moving back to your eyes.

“I’m not disgusting?”

Levi sighs, now getting a bit irritated.

“No, I don’t think you’re disgusting,” he spells it out for you.

Why do you feel so relieved? You look into his eyes. You don’t know where he comes from, or his circumstances, but you’d like to think that you’ve gotten to know him well enough during the last couple of days to tell if he’s lying. He doesn’t seem to be.

You swallow. The knot coiling in your stomach loosens, and you can breathe again.

“Then that’s good,” you say, and smile brightly. He’s not judging you. He doesn’t think of you with disdain. He doesn’t pity you.

“It’s not something you should be so happy about,” Levi points out and turns his eyes back to the TV. You take the clue and pick the next movie at random. It’s some kind of artsy French film, the indie kind.

You only make it about ten minutes in before Levi picks up his book. Yes, this is the Levi you know.

-

You don’t know why it hasn’t crossed your mind before now. But when you come home from college on Monday, you walk right up to Levi with a smile that’s almost excited.

“Good, you’re already in sweatpants. Get up, let’s go out,” you tell him. He looks up from his book and gives you a sceptical look.

“You will like this. I just know it,” you urge.

He clearly contemplates turning your offer down based on the simple fact that he doesn’t like being told what to do, but eventually his curiosity gets the best of him and he sets his book aside.

Today is sunny, complete opposite of yesterday. You’re humming cheerfully as you walk with Levi. Your destination is only a couple of blocks away.

“Ta-dah!” you announce as you walk Levi inside the gym. He’s sporting his usual frown as he looks around. The customer service desk, a small lounging area next to the door, and the large area behind a glass wall with endless amounts of sports equipment.

“What is this?” he asks, but his eyes have fallen on a man currently doing chest presses. As you expected, it quickly gains his interest.

“This is a gym,” you explain. “An exercise centre. All of those machines are used for training. I just figured you might like it. Considering your strength and the fact that I found you in a military uniform.”

You walk the two of you to the customer service and take out a gift card.

“I’d like to use this for my friend here,” you tell the receptionist. She takes the card with a nod. She scans it on her computer and then starts asking Levi his information. You reply in his stead. You give a false last name, a made-up birthday and your home address and phone number.

When she’s gotten all the information she needs, she quickly prepares a gym card and hands it to Levi. You pay for a single time for yourself and then walk Levi inside.

“With that card, you can come and go as you want. Just show it to the person at that desk. I’ll give you a spare key home so you can come here when I’m not around.”

“Where did you get that card that you used to pay?” he asks suspiciously.

“My parents gave it to me for Christmas. But I’m always moving at work, I don’t have the energy to keep up a gym hobby on the side.” You’re not lying there. It’s been six months since you received the present and you still haven’t used it.

Levi looks around. He hasn’t decided whether he likes it yet, but he doesn’t make a fuss when you walk him through the different machines and tell him how they’re used.

“Knock yourself out. I’ll be at the treadmill,” you say after you’re done and pat his back. He contemplates for a second before he decides to take you up on your offer.

Half an hour later, he’s already gone full fight mode. It looks like his body was craving for this, a bit of action and adrenaline. Using his body for _something._ You’re jogging on the treadmill, idly watching him push his body to the limit.

He _is_ military personnel after all, by the look of things. He must have been keeping his body in shape most of his life. And with this, he has a hobby, something to do when you’re not home. He doesn’t have to stay cooped up in your apartment all the time.

You think back to your discussion yesterday. He took it well. Much better than you gave him credit for. Especially for someone who supposedly comes from a place where that kind of thing would at least be frowned upon.

Your thoughts are interrupted as you feel your cell phone buzz in your pocket. You bring the treadmill to a halt and check.

_“You free to talk?”_

It’s Marcus. You hum. So, after a month of silence, he finally wants to have an adult discussion about what went down. You reply with a simple _yeah_.

_“I’m nearby, can I come over?”_

You glance at Levi, who’s wreaking havoc at the punching bag. You can’t exactly leave him here, and he’s so invested in his exercise that you don’t want to interrupt him. Not now, when he’s finally doing something he enjoys.

_“I’m at the gym near my house. We went there a couple of times, the one next to McDonald’s. Can we meet at the parking lot?”_

This way, you don’t need to leave Levi or make him leave. You can go out, have your conversation, and come back. You doubt it’s going to be a long talk. Knowing Marcus, he’ll say something along the lines of _‘uh, sorry I guess’_.

He confirms that he’ll be there in a few minutes. You don’t bother telling Levi where you’re going. He’s a big boy, he can manage on his own for a moment.

You’re a bit sweaty as you step outside. The air is hot and humid, not ideal for post-workout. You whip the few strands of hair that have escaped your ponytail out of your eyes and look around impatiently.

Marcus arrives a few minutes later, as promised. He waves at you awkwardly from the distance. He stops in front of you and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. His gaze is downcast, clearly embarrassed. You look at him and wait. He’s still just as tall as you remember. His brown hair is just as messy as you remember. His skin is just as tanned as you remember.

“So, uh,” he starts. You immediately notice something a bit off about his demeanour. “You can keep my stuff, or throw it out or something. I don’t need it anymore.”

You frown a bit.

“Okay? I will?” You don’t mention that there is a short, grumpy old man living in your home who’s taken the liberty to use Marcus’ clothes.

“And uh…” He pauses for just a second too long. You then realize what’s going on.

“You’ve been drinking,” you tell him. It explains a few things, mainly why he suddenly decided to come talk things out after avoiding the problem for a month. You sigh.

“What? Ah, yeah, I guess I went out with the boys last night,” he confirms sheepishly. He’s swaying a little where he’s standing. You know how he is. When he goes out, he really goes _all_ out. He’s that guy who will go to the drive through riding a shopping cart, buy fifteen Bic Macs and insist he’s not drunk to anyone who bothers to listen.

And you really don’t feel like dealing with that right now.

“Okay, Marcus,” you start and place your hands on your hips. “You might not feel like it but it’s clear that you’re still drunk. Why don’t you call me when you’re sober and _then_ we can have this talk?”

He’s not a violent or angry drunk. He’s just really, _really_ hard to reason with.

“Come on,” he mutters. “This is the response I get after you kicked me out in my underwear?”

“You had the audacity to pick up a chick and bring her to _my_ apartment. You didn’t even bother to try to hide it by taking her back to yours,” you tell him, voice getting icier by the second.

“Well your place was closer and I knew you were out working. She was impatient!”

Drunk Marcus has no filter on his mouth.

“How considerate of you,” you snort. “You can tell me all about it when you’re sober. I’m just aching to hear all the details!”

You turn around to march away, but stop dead in your tracks.

You should have known Levi is too observant to miss you sneaking away. And now he’s standing behind you, arms folded, eyes unreadable as always. And he’s witnessing your post-breakup drama.

“Levi,” you sigh and walk up to him. He raises an eyebrow.

“Please do continue your little chat. Don’t let me bother you,” he tells you. You give him an irritated glare. That bastard, he’s amused by this.

Marcus is looking between you two. Luckily, he’s too drunk to realize it’s his clothes Levi is wearing. It’s a discussion you prefer not to have while he’s hammered.

“We’ll talk later. Call me when you’re sober and I’ll meet you or whatever,” you tell Marcus and then turn to Levi. “Just go back inside. I’ll be right there.”

“Hey, come on, wait,” Marcus starts and stumbles towards you. He reaches a hand to grab your arm. Not to hurt you, but to get your attention. Instinctively, you take a step back, trying to avoid it. Drunk Marcus can also get awfully clingy.

He doesn’t get closer than a few inches. You see Levi’s eyes flash; his hand shoots out like a bullet and grabs Marcus’ forearm. Marcus jolts and slowly turns his eyes from you to Levi, who’s now staring him down. Even though he’s a lot shorter, he somehow pulls it off.

“Hey, you little shit,” Levi says, tone ice cold and eyes hard, “I don’t know anything about your relationship. But she’s not someone you can put your disgusting hands on.”

You feel something then, a dangerous flip in your chest. You know this feeling.

You look at Marcus, who’s dumbfounded, his arm stuck in Levi’s iron grip.

You move your eyes from Marcus to Levi.

Your heart flips again.

Oh.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, look at Levi going all shoujo manga on us.
> 
> I'm returning to work soon from my holidays and I wanted to crunch out an update before that. I ended up pulling an all-nighter and now I've been awake for 30 hours. A fangirl's life is full of hardships I tell you. Mostly self-inflicted, but still.
> 
> Now let's get to the usual stuff. Comments. I love them. Even if it's just a "thanks", it still cheers me up like crazy. I get all giddy when I see my phone light up with a notification from ao3. So if it's not too much of a hassle, please consider dropping a line!


	4. Chapter 4

As you walk home from the gym, you really want to ask Levi things. Mainly why he stepped in like that. Not that it went unappreciated. It saved you about twenty minutes of trying to reason with Marcus. But you wonder if he did it out of common courtesy or because of something else.

“Aah, nothing beats a post-workout shake,” you sigh blissfully. You bought yourself one from the gym cafeteria. Levi opted for an iced tea instead, but the amount of sugar made him quickly give up on trying to drink it. “Did you enjoy the gym?”

“Yeah,” Levi replies simply. He doesn’t seem too tired. He’s probably used to having his body go through much more strenuous things than a simple workout.

“That’s good, then. You should use that card whenever you feel like it. Staying cooped up like a hermit is not good for you.” You glance at his serious disposition and contemplate for a while.

“Thank you,” you finally say. “I wasn’t in any actual danger, but I appreciate what you did.”

Levi stays quiet and you just assume he’s not going to reply. When you stop in front of the apartment building, he speaks up while you’re trying to find your keys from your bag.

“You were wrong,” he announces with a calm, steady voice. You look up and tilt your head.

“Huh?” You ask as you grab your keys.

“What you said yesterday.”

You open the door and hum to yourself. What did you exactly say?

“What did I say?”

Levi stays quiet as you walk in and step in the elevator. You frown and try to think back. You said a lot of things. Around Levi, you tend to talk quite a bit. You’re curious now.

“What did I say?” you repeat. Levi’s staring ahead with his usual, unreadable expression.

“Doesn’t matter,” he says as the elevator stops at the 8th floor.

“What?”

“If you don’t remember, then it wasn’t important.”

You try to think as you open the door to your apartment. You say a lot of things, but you’d imagine Levi would correct you right away if you said something he knew to be false.

You stop with a frown.

Unless…

_“I know you don’t give a flying fuck about me on a personal level.”_

Your eyes widen and your pulse speeds up instantly. Is that what he’s referring to? There’s a good chance it’s just wishful thinking on your part, but it’s the only thing you can think of that kind of fits the bill.

“Do you mean-?”

But Levi has already gone inside and marched right in the bathroom to take a shower. You stare at the bathroom door. You hear him turn on the water. Did he do that on purpose to avoid answering your question? You place a hand against the painted wood and take a deep breath to steady your thoughts.

You’re probably wrong. It’s just your newly found feelings aching to find anything to validate them. Levi told you that trying to have anything with him would just make things complicated. And he’s right, there are so many things you don’t know about him, and so many things you’ll probably never know when it comes to his past, present and future.

He’s just a temporary freeloader and you should view him as such.

That’s your resolve, but you’re not entirely sure you can hold onto that.

-

You're running for your life. The streets are empty and your footsteps echo on the tiled road. Your whole body is pumped up with adrenaline, your breath heaving and lungs burning. Terror is stitching through your brain like a hot needle and making your thoughts an incoherent mush.

You've been here before. The place is achingly familiar. The collapsed houses, empty streets, narrow alleyways.

Yes, you realise. You're going to turn this corner and after a few minutes, turn left. That's where you always end up. With each step you take, your pulse quickens.

You're terrified. You don't want to turn the corner, you don't want to take that left, but your legs move without your consent.

"No," you breathe when your brain catches up with you and you fully realise where you are and where you're going. "No, don't. Stop!" you screech but your body doesn't cooperate. Your footsteps keep drumming through the streets, and even hasten as you scream futilely. The houses around you are completely wrecked but it's not the destruction around you that's scaring you so much. It's what's waiting for you at your destination.

It's near, you can feel it. It's too close.

"I don't want to! Stop! Stop! LEVI!" you scream, the name leaves your mouth so naturally. A plea for help. But Levi is not here. It's too late. Your body has brought you to its destination.

The wall is huge, looming above you. This thing, how many times have you seen it? How many times has this sight greeted your terrified self? Your legs have stopped. You try to move them, get away from here, but they’re glued in place.

The hole is right ahead of you, where it always is. Gaping and huge, just as always. You try to squeeze your eyes shut, but your body is unresponsive. All you can do is stand in place and watch.

In front of the hole, there’s _that._ The thing that always makes you scream from the top of your lungs. It leans down and extends its hand. You see its lifeless grin, exposed teeth, intent eyes. It’s going to take you. You’re going to die.

"No! Get away! Don't! Don't! _NO!_ "

"Hey, get a hold of yourself!" you hear a stern voice next to you.

You can suddenly move again and you try to get away. But something is holding onto you and keeping you still. You thrash and struggle, but you’re held firmly in place.

"No, please no!" you cry and incoherently attempt to attack whatever’s holding you down. Keeping you from escaping this creature. But as you try to lash and swing, all you’re met with is something grabbing onto your wrists to keep you in place.

“Calm the fuck down!”

You turn to see Levi, firmly holding onto you and keeping you still. From the corner of your eye, you see the creature reach for him. You hear footsteps in the distance. Loud footsteps. More are on the way.

"Levi, behind you! Run! It's going to get you!" you scream.

"It was a nightmare, snap out of it!" Levi barks. You're confused, you don't understand. Why isn't he running? The creature is right there, trying to get its hands on him.

"Levi, no! DODGE!" you scream and squeeze your eyes shut.

It's suddenly quiet around you. The footsteps are gone. You slump down on the bed and crack an eye open. The creature is gone. It didn't get Levi.

Levi is leaning over you with a worried frown. He lets go of your wrists now that you’ve calmed down and not thrashing anymore. You smile tiredly when you see him, and reach a languid hand to cup his cheek. You stroke it with your thumb and his frown deepens. But, he doesn’t shove your hand away.

"Good, you didn't get eaten," you breathe, voice that of pure relief. Levi's eyes widen.

"What did you just say? Hey? Hey!" he grabs your shoulder and shakes you lightly.

But you're already back asleep.

-

“Night terrors?” Levi frowns.

The second you emerged from your bedroom in the morning, he sat you down on the couch and started asking you questions. Apparently, you went all sorts of ape shit last night. It would explain why you feel like you’ve been run over with a road roller.

“Yeah. I’ve had those since I was a little kid. It hasn’t happened in a while though, I thought I’ve gotten over them. Sorry, I should have warned you beforehand that it might happen.” You yawn and stretch your arms, not at all surprised or worried. You’re used to it.

Levi leans back on the couch and crosses his arms, clearly not satisfied with the explanation. You shrug.

“It’s a medical condition. I get these attacks in the middle of the night where I hallucinate and scream. If it happens in the future, you should stay away, apparently I can also lash out at people.”

“I noticed,” Levi admits. You have no doubt that Levi would be able to dodge it. Still, you don’t like the thought of attacking him.

“Sorry,” you say with a wince. He waves his hand impatiently. He’s got more pressing issues at hand.

“Do you remember what you hallucinated?” he leans in and looks at you keenly. There is a gleam in his eyes that you haven’t seen before. He seems borderline desperate to know.

“I can’t remember they even happened afterwards,” you explain apologetically. “I just hear about it the next day from whoever was unlucky enough to be in close proximity.”

Levi sighs and looks somewhat disappointed. You lift your feet on the couch and hug your knees to your chest. You give him a curious look.

What he said yesterday is still fresh in your mind. The whole day was emotionally taxing. Marcus’ appearance, Levi stepping in, his cryptic words about you being wrong.

“Why are you that interested in it?” you ask.

“You said you were glad I didn’t get eaten,” he tells you. You smile sheepishly.

“Ah, yeah, that seems to be a recurring theme in my attacks.” You press your chin into your knees. His eyes instantly snap to you in interest. You blink at him, confused why he looks so interested, but eventually decide to just explain.

“My siblings used to joke about it. They even had a night terror bingo with recurring phrases I’d scream,” you chuckle. “When I was younger, I had the attacks almost every night. During those, I yelled a lot, making it impossible to sleep. That’s one way to pass the time until I’m done making a ruckus I guess.”

“Bingo,” Levi repeats. Right, he doesn’t know what it is. You hum and get up from the couch.

“Wait a minute.”

You go to the bedroom and start rummaging through the closet where you kept your globe. There should be a folder in there somewhere with childhood memories. If you’re not mistaken, the bingo board should be among them.

A few minutes later, you walk back to the couch with the folder. You sit down and wipe some dust off the cover. Levi’s waiting and he perks up when he sees the folder. You’re almost flattered by how interested he is in your childhood memories. Well, would be if you didn’t know he has some reason of his own for wanting to find out.

You flip through the pages, it’s mostly drawings and photos, all neatly arranged in plastic sleeves. He draws up an eyebrow at a particular drawing you made when you were five, of yourself kissing your kindergarten crush. You hurry to shuffle past it.

Finally, you find what you’re looking for and take the bingo board out. It’s scribbled on a piece of carton cut out of a cereal box.

“Let’s see…” You try to decipher the words. Your brother made it when he was six after all, so his handwriting is all over the place.

“’ _Help me’,”_ you read the words in the first box. “ _’They’re here.’ ‘Run.’ ‘The wall is-’_ I can’t make out the next word.”

Levi is leaning in, visibly interested. He looks at the word for a while.

“Broken,” he finally says and his eyes flash. You look at the word. Yeah, that’s probably it.

“ _’They’re going to eat me.’ ‘Mum.’ ‘Dad.’ ‘Go away.’ ‘I’m scared.’ ‘Monster.’_ ”

Levi’s so close you can feel him breathing against your cheek. He’s carefully looking over the board. You frown. He seems unnaturally keen on the stupid game your siblings came up with.

“You really can’t remember any of this?” he asks, his breath now tickling your ear. His voice makes your body tingle.

“No. I told you, you can’t remember night terrors afterwards. I’d just scream for a while and then fall back asleep.”

“I see,” Levi sighs and finally leans back. You let out a small breath. You really need to sort out these new feelings before they make things awkward between you two. You like his company, you like him here. You’re afraid that if you act up too much, he’ll notice and leave.

“Why are you so interested in this?” you ask and close the folder. You place it on the coffee table and turn to look at him. He’s avoiding your gaze.

“It’s nothing,” he mutters. You raise a sceptical eyebrow.

“Doesn’t look like nothing to me.”

He gives you a small glare telling you to drop it. You sigh and stretch your arms over your head. Fine then. You'll let it be, for now.

You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket and reach to take it out. It’s Marcus. You snort.

“ _’Sorry for yesterday. Well, sorry for everything I guess. Hope you’re not mad at me.’_ ,” you read out loud and roll your eyes. Levi hums.

“Must make things like that easier, being able to just write it out,” he observes.

“That’s kind of a problem in today’s world. When everyone’s within reach all the time, it’s easy to just deal with this kind of things impersonally.”

You put your phone back in your pocket. You don’t feel like replying to him, at least not yet.

“Would you like your own phone?” you ask with a small grin. Levi looks unimpressed.

“I don’t have anyone I would talk to with that.”

“You can always text me,” you suggest innocently. He clucks his tongue.

“You’re already here all the time,” he points out dully. You look at him, try to determine if he’s complaining about your constant presence or merely stating a fact.

“Would you prefer if I wasn’t?” you ask curiously. He crosses his legs and arms and rips his eyes off you. A silence falls between you and you’re starting to regret you even asked.

“No,” he finally confesses, his tone a bit tense. “I wouldn’t prefer that. It gets boring.”

“Boring, huh,” you repeat and sigh in a relaxed manner. Well, you suppose that’s true. There’s only so far books and TV can get you. You look at the globe on the coffee table. Levi has occasionally studied it. You frown as you remember something.

“Hey,” you start, an idea popping in your head. “I don’t have any classes on Thursday and Friday. Why don’t we go somewhere?”

“And where is this somewhere?” Levi asks. You smile and take the globe. You spin until you find your country and then point at the coast.

“Here. It’s just a couple of hours’ drive. You’ve never seen the ocean, right? I want to show it to you.”

Levi looks at the globe and then shifts his suspicious eyes to you, trying to figure out your motives.

“Listen here,” he then sighs. “If you’re trying to take me on a lovers’ date or something, forget it. I’m sure you have better things to keep you busy.”

“It’s not a date,” you snort and lean in with a teasing smile. You pat his head obnoxiously. “I just feel so incredibly sorry for this old man and want to make his retirement days a little more worthwhile.”

He gives you an uninspired look. You stop moving your hand and instead just let it rest there, on Levi’s head. You wait for him to bat it away, but he doesn’t.

Your grin melts into a thoughtful look.

You know Levi will be gone eventually. He can’t stay here forever. He must have his own reasons for being here in the first place. He hasn’t told you what he’s after or where he comes from, so he must think you’re not important enough to know. Even if he does care about you a little bit, enough to stop someone from touching you.

You very slowly move your hand into Levi’s hair, threading your fingers through the locks. They're coarse but neatly combed. He’s just looking at you, but he does tense up at the touch.

Eventually he relaxes just a bit and allows you to touch him.

You want to take him on this trip. You want the memory so you have something special to hold onto when he’s gone. You know Levi doesn’t feel anything for you, but he can at least give you this.

“I want to take you to see the ocean,” you request with a quiet voice and lock eyes with him, gaze pleading. “Can I?”

He sighs and averts his eyes. You see that he’s conflicted. He grasps your hand, surprisingly gently, and pulls it away from his hair. He holds onto it, his warm and rough fingertips pressing into your skin.

“Okay.”

You give him a small, grateful smile.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

-

Levi’s not home when you return from school the following day. As you step into the living room, you see a note on the dining table, with just the word _gym_ scribbled on it. You chuckle to yourself. So even on paper, Levi is a man of few words.

You pace to the couch and slump down on it. Levi’s blanket and pillow are neatly arranged on the seat next to you. You place your feet on the coffee table and sigh.

Levi agreed to come to the sea with you. Even if it’s not a _lovers’ date_ as Levi phrased it, it still makes you feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy. It’s not a date, but it’s still something. You’ll get to create a memory together.

It’s Wednesday, your days off start tomorrow.

You wonder how long your peaceful days will last. It almost feels like you’re in a world of your own when you’re here with him. Just the two of you, in the safety of your small apartment. You know you shouldn’t get used to the feeling, but you already are. You know you will miss him when he leaves.

Trying to distract yourself from your thoughts, which are turning bluer by the second, you reach to take the folder from the coffee table.

You shuffle through the pages, stopping every now and then to scoff or smile at a memory. You were a really dumb kid. Stubborn, energetic and a complete cry-baby.

You stop at the bingo board. Why was Levi so interested in it? Granted, it is unusual to have night terrors at your age, and you haven’t heard of anyone who keeps hallucinating the same things over and over. But there was still something unusual about how _desperate_ he seemed to get clues, any clues, about what you hallucinate when you’re in the middle of a terror.

You keep turning the pages until your eyes land on a drawing that catches your interest. You don’t remember making it as a kid, but it looks like something you drew pre-school age. The crayoned lines are a bit messy and it’s a bit hard to make out what’s on the paper.

It’s a creature. Next to it, there’s a lot of people running away. The creature is huge, the humans in the drawing don’t even reach up to its knees. Its mouth is open wide and a couple of stick figures are in there, flailing fruitlessly. The most unnerving thing is, it looks a bit like a human. It has hair on its head, it has arms and legs. Is this what your night terrors are about? Giants eating you?

That would maybe be a reach if it weren’t for the thing that caught your interest in the first place. Next to the creature and the humans, there is a tall block of something grey. To you, it looks like a wall.

Did you draw this image when you were a kid? Was this what you kept having those night terrors about?

You take out the bingo board and look over the phrases there. You try to match them to the picture, and quite a few of them do. The monster, the wall, the fact that you’re always afraid of getting eaten. It’s all there.

Even though you don’t remember the attacks, they must be somewhere in there, in your subconsciousness. And that made you draw this when you were a child. Even if you never actively remembered those hallucinations, the memories must still exist in your mind.

You hum thoughtfully and put the drawing back in its plastic sleeve. You think back to all the movies and series you watched as a child, trying to find something that resembles this. If it entered your subconscious mind, something must have put it there. But you can’t really think of anything. Sure, you’ve seen series and movies with giants before but you doubt they ate people. And then there’s the wall.

You sigh and decide not to bother your brain with this. It’s night terrors and that’s that. And Levi is a weird old man and that’s that.

You take the folder to the bedroom with you and put it back in the closet. You change into your jerseys and go back to the living room. While Levi’s gone you might as well take advantage of that and rehearse a choreography you need to get down before next Saturday.

You pop in your earbuds and put on the song. You don’t have a mirror here but you already know what you need to do and how you look like doing it, you just need to learn the order of the moves and remember it.

It’s one of the more complicated choreographies you’ve done. It requires quite a bit of technique from you, from splits and développés to raunchier moves, twerking and body rolls. The song has a fast beat, it’s energized and demands a lot from your body.

You go over the song a few times, each time your body remembers a bit more of the complex choreography. Dancing is easy for you, it sets your mind off things and distracts you when you need it. You’re naturally quite flexible and you have a good kinesthetic memory, so dancing has always been a dear hobby for you. From childhood ballet classes to jazz dance as a teenager. You even tried your luck with a bit of break dancing at some point. And when you needed extra income and you heard of the business built around go-go dancing, it really was an easy choice for you. It would be fast money for something you were already talented at.

The beat is blasting through your earbuds so loud you don’t realize Levi’s come back. Only when you finally rip the earbuds out and turn around to go to the bathroom for showering, you see him.

He’s standing in the hallway, a few meters behind you. Leaning against the wall with crossed arms, he looks at you expressionlessly. You raise your eyebrow, panting and sweaty from the excessive dancing.

“How long have you been there?” you ask. He shrugs.

“A little while.”

“You could have interrupted me,” you point out. Instead of just standing there and watching you quietly.

“You looked like you were having fun.”

You narrow your eyes at him a bit before deciding to let it go. With Levi, you save yourself from a lot of grey hair if you’re capable of letting things slide. But since he’s not mocking you, you gather that he doesn’t think that your dancing is awful.

“How was gym?”

“It was okay.”

He’s considerably sweatier than he was yesterday, he must have pushed his body a lot further. God knows how many hours he was there.

“You can shower first,” you tell him and gesture towards the bathroom. He nods and when he’s gone, you sigh tiredly. You just hope he wasn’t there for too long, witnessing all the times you stumbled and messed up.

While Levi is showering, you prepare a simple casserole for dinner and let it bake while you shower yourself.

An hour later, you’re sitting down with Levi. Both showered and fresh, you’re eating the food in silence.

“Ah, I’ll give you some money,” you suddenly decide. It has crossed your mind before, now that he’s going outside on his own, he should have at least a little cash on him.

He stops eating mid-bite and gives you a sharp, disapproving look.

“So you can buy food and stuff if you need it,” you defend yourself. “I know you don’t like being taken care of by me, but what if I need you to go buy something while I’m gone?”

“You expect me to use that card of yours?” he asks, still sceptical. You shake your head.

“No, I’ll give you cash. Bills and coins and stuff. You should know what those are, right?” You could explain him how the economy works, but it’s been a long day. “You don’t need to use it if you don’t want to, just have some on you just in case. You never know what might happen.”

“No.”

“Come on,” you try to persuade but he doesn’t budge.

“You’ve been pampering me too much. I draw the line at taking money from you.”

He looks irritated. He puts his fork down and crosses his arms.

“I don’t mi-”

“I know you don’t mind,” he tells you coolly. “But I do.”

You groan and roll your eyes.

“You don’t need to feel sorry for me.”

“That’s my line,” Levi retorts steadily. “You don’t know anything about me yet you’re constantly pushing your kindness on me. I’ll let you provide me with food and shelter because realistically, I can’t survive on my own, but I won’t take your money.”

“I’m not doing this because I feel sorry for you,” you sigh.

He doesn’t respond, just keeps staring at you with his piercing eyes. You look over his face. You’ve noticed it little by little, but he is kind of handsome, in his own way.

He’s right, of course. You don’t know anything about him. And it does bother you.

“Are you ever going to tell me where you came from or why you’re here?” you ask carefully.

“Probably not,” Levi replies without missing a beat. You try to ignore the small slump forming in your throat. You are a stranger after all. He doesn’t want you to get too involved. But the more you spend time with Levi, the more you _want_ to be involved. You want to help him, want him to let you take care of him.

“I see,” you finally say and your eyes fall to your plate. You place your utensils down. Suddenly, you’re not hungry anymore.

“It’s nothing personal,” Levi attempts to comfort you. You shake your head. You understand.

“I know. Nothing really is personal when it comes to you and me. I’m taking care of you because I’m a goody-two-shoes and you let me because it’s convenient to you. That’s all there is to it.”

“Don’t come to weird conclusions on your own,” Levi scolds you, but his tone has mellowed down considerably. You give him a small glance, your eyes challenging him to make you think otherwise.

“I wouldn’t have stayed past the first night if I didn’t think you were a worthwhile person.”

“Worthwhile,” you chuckle joylessly. “Is that your way of saying that you tolerate me?”

“It’s my way of saying that you’re a good person and I appreciate that.”

You’re staring down into your hands. You feel stupid for feeling like this. You know the situation, you know that Levi told you from the beginning that he doesn’t want things to get complicated. But you’re feeling upset. Increasingly so. You refuse to look at him and your voice is thin.

“A good person,” you repeat colourlessly. You feel a lump in your throat but you swallow it down. You need to get it together.

“The vast majority of people are not good people,” Levi tells you. It doesn’t improve your mood at all. You know what you want to hear. You want to hear you’re special. But you’re not going to hear it, not from Levi.

“Thank you.” The words feel forced and sound strangled.

You close your eyes. You can feel them, those embarrassing tears pushing through to the exterior. You don’t want to cry. It’s a stupid thing to begin with, developing feelings for a stranger. And what’s more, a stranger who refuses to tell you anything about himself and who would never return those feelings.

“You’re upset,” Levi observes. “Why?”

“I’m not,” you argue weakly, your eyes still squeezed shut as you try to keep the tears at bay. You’re not a teenager anymore, you shouldn’t be getting so upset by a crush. You open your eyes, but keep them firmly off Levi as you get up from the table.

All that’s going through your head is that one day, you’ll come home and Levi will be gone. And you’re left here, alone with your pathetic feelings without knowing a single thing about this man. Not where he’s from, where he’s gone. You don’t even know his last name. And that’s all because you’re too insignificant to him, you don’t matter and therefore, you won’t find out.

You try to take a deep breath but it comes out as a pitiful sniffle. You’ve given yourself away. With that, he’ll definitely know you’re crying. You slur a small curse under your breath and try to make your exit with whatever dignity you have left.

But Levi’s not about to let that happen.

“Hey,” he says, voice surprisingly gentle. You hear him get up from the table and swiftly make his way to you. He grasps your shoulder. You now feel the tears rolling down your face.

Why are you crying over something like this? It’s not the first time you’ve had a crush on someone who doesn’t feel the same way. You glance at his face, he’s confused and worried but still calm and steady, as always. Something like this wouldn’t shake him up. You attempt a smile.

“Sorry,” you mutter. “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just…” you trail off and futilely attempt to wipe the tears off with the sleeve of your hoodie.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he tells you, tone still temperate, but you can hear the compassion in his voice. You slowly reach to hold onto his shirt, fingers clutching the fabric on his chest. He lets you. You press your forehead against his shoulder, near the crook of his neck, and try to steady your breathing. The tears keep coming.

Maybe Levi’s right, maybe you truly are doing this out of sheer loneliness. It’s not even about Marcus, things never got serious enough with him. Maybe Levi’s just your way of filling the emptiness in your mind. Day to day life, going to school, going to work, struggling to find a meaning to the madness that is existing, it has always left you feeling null. Then Levi appeared. Out of nowhere, a man whose origins, motivations and thoughts are all a mystery to you.

You feel him place a hand on your hair and stroke it, his touch light but full of empathy. He sighs gently and just stands there, allowing you to cry on his shoulder. He smells like shower gel and fabric softener.

Your other hand clasps on his shirt at the waist. You hold onto him and take that tiny bit of closeness and compassion he’s offering you.

“I’m a mess,” you murmur against the collar of his shirt, smiling bitterly at yourself. You let out a sound that is half chuckle, half sob.

“Yeah,” he confirms but doesn’t sound mocking or even irritated. You close your eyes and press the tiniest kiss on his neck. He stiffens but doesn’t shove you away. With a final, deep breath, you pull back from the embrace and give him a smile, this time an authentic one.

“Okay, enough of this. It’s getting embarrassing.” You laugh awkwardly. Levi’s looking at you, his eyes again unreadable.

You wipe the remainders of your tears away and walk to your room.

Levi’s left in the living room. You miss the way he thoughtfully stares at the hand he stroked your hair with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh Levi baby, is that some confusing emotions I see in your head?
> 
> Hooray, I managed to update despite work! ...aaand now it's 2 a.m. and I need to get up for work in about five hours. But I regret nothing! I initially thought this was going to be a shorter, ~3,000 word chapter so I could push it out faster. It ended up at almost 5,500 words. Again, I regret nothing.
> 
> For those of you who read Landlocked, I haven't given up on it. I do write it steadily but the progress is a lot slower. I will update it eventually!
> 
> Comments really keep me going. I love reading them, and re-read them whenever I struggle with my writing. So if you've got time, please consider supporting me and my work by leaving a comment!


	5. Chapter 5

You open the trunk of your car and gesture for Levi to put the luggage in. It’s just one bag, you’ve decided to stay at the coast for a single night.

As you sit in the car, you take a deep breath. Levi agreed to come with you despite what happened yesterday. The whole ordeal of you crying on his shoulder and kissing his neck makes you feel embarrassed. You really dropped the ball there. But Levi has not made a comment on it. He’s calm as always, as if nothing happened.

“Are you excited?” you ask him as you push the key in and start the car. He shrugs.

It’s not like you expect him to bounce up and down on his seat like a giddy kid. He doesn’t look like he’s hating the thought at least. You lean over and put on his seatbelt. You then plug your phone to the stereo.

“I figured that since we’ve got a couple of hours, I’d give you a small crash course in music,” you tell him. You press play and back out of the parking spot as Toto’s _Africa_ starts playing in the car.

“And why do you think that’s necessary?” Levi asks. He’s a bit tense, it’s only his second time in a car after all.

“Well, music is a fundamental part of culture. And as technology advances, you can now listen to music anywhere. Music reflects a lot of things about the culture, politics and values of the time it was made. Don’t you think so?” you ask curiously as you turn for the freeway. There isn’t a lot of traffic at this hour, it’s 11 a.m. on a Thursday after all, not a lot of people are on the move.

“And? What does your music revolve around?” he asks, more out of courtesy to keep the conversation going than actual interest.

“A lot of things. Mostly it’s quite shallow and revolves around love, sex and heartbreak,” you explain with a shrug. “But there is a lot of political commentary in there as well.”

“Huh. But this is all in another language,” he points out.

“It’s English. In the modern world, knowing English is increasingly fundamental. The majority of Western entertainment is produced by the US. Thus, it’s in English,” you explain.

“Do you speak it?” Levi asks.

“Yeah. I learnt it in school and nowadays I consume a lot of information and entertainment in English.”

Levi hums. You keep your eyes on the road as the music changes into some grunge. You tried to put in as many different genres as possible to give him a good platter of modern music.

You wonder how he feels about yesterday. You did step a bit out of line after all, kissing him like that. But the most baffling thing to you is that he didn’t shove you away.

Did he let you do that because he felt sorry for you? Or was there another reason? You try not to engage in excessive daydreaming. Levi has told you more than once that you’re not lovers and he doesn’t intend to have that happen. You sigh at yourself. You really shouldn’t get riled up over this.

“So…” Levi starts. “If I were to try to get information, where should I go?”

You raise a quizzical eyebrow.

“Depends entirely what kind of information you want.”

“Just information. About different things,” Levi replies vaguely. Well, that doesn’t really help you, does it. Seems like whatever Levi is trying to learn, he doesn’t want you to know about it. You contemplate for a moment before sighing.

“The Internet,” you finally tell him. “No matter what you want, you can find it on the Internet.”

“Internet,” Levi repeats calmly, tasting the foreign word on his tongue. You wonder how to explain it. The technical side of things can get complicated.

“Well, it’s a network. A worldwide network. Basically, anyone can put anything on the Internet. You can find everything there. Information, news, videos, music, you can chat with people. Kind of like I do on my phone, but on the Internet, you can do it even with complete strangers.”

“Sounds messy,“ he tells you. You chuckle.

“It is at times. But there are tools to make it easier. Like Google. It’s a search engine. You type in whatever you want to find and it lists all the resources for you. But freely distributed information also means that not all of it is legit. If you’re really interested, I’ll teach you how to use a computer when we get back.”

You have deliberately chosen to keep Levi away from the Internet because of the vast size of it. You don’t want to turn your back for a second and learn that he went ahead and clicked on that sketchy ad, or downloaded malware. But if he’s desperate for some information, googling is much easier than going to the library.

You refrain from asking what he wants to find out. You know it’s not going to go anywhere and you already feel like you’re walking a thin rope after your stunt yesterday.

“I am interested,” Levi admits and you don’t need to turn your head to see that he’s making a sour face. It’s the first time he’s properly asked you for a favour. You contemplate teasing him about it but eventually decide to let it slide.

A silence falls between you two as you cruise along the freeway. The playlist is on shuffle, and wistful R&B is playing in the background.

“Who is this?” Levi suddenly asks. You’re not sure if he’s trying to fill the silence or if he’s actually interested. Are things getting awkward between you two?

“Alicia Keys,” you reply curtly.

“I like her voice.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t elaborate further. You shrug. She _is_ a good singer after all. So much so that she’s been dubbed the queen of R &B on more than one occasion.

“What is she singing about?” Levi asks after a while. You glance at him curiously. He looks thoughtful, like there’s something weighing down on his mind that he can’t shrug off.

“She’s singing about how some people want a lot of things. Diamond rings, power, money. But she doesn’t, all she wants is the man she loves even if he has nothing to offer,” you explain, but as you do, your voice gets quieter.

It’s the same for you. It has hardly been a week and you know you want Levi. Even if he’s never going to tell you a thing about himself. But that’s way too bold for you to say aloud.

“What a naïve worldview,” Levi snorts. He sounds oddly defensive. You clutch the wheel a bit harder.

“It’s not, really. She wrote the song after a friend of hers passed away. It made her realize what matters and what doesn’t. Money, luxury, superficial things like that… It all means nothing if you can’t be with the people you love.” Without realising it, you’re stepping on the gas.

“Treating such things as trivial is naïve,” Levi gives out his judgment. You clench your teeth.

“In the grand scheme of things, they are trivial,” you try to argue tensely. Levi hums, not convinced.

“That’s idealistic, hardly realistic.”

“So how do you turn reality into ideals if you’re not allowed to make idealistic decisions?” you ask. You’re getting agitated. “If she loves the guy no matter what, then what are the obstacles other than trivial? If I want y-”

“You’re driving too fast,” Levi cuts you off mid-sentence. You glance at the speed meter and realize you’re pushing 160 kilometres per hour. You take a deep breath and ease your foot on the gas. You were talking without thinking it through.

“Don’t get carried away,” he tells you with a dead-serious voice. You’d like to believe he’s referring to your hazardous driving but you know better.

“Right,” you reply tensely. When the music shifts to some shallow rock, you couldn’t be happier.

-

As you open the door to the hotel room, Levi’s eyes immediately shoot to the small layer of dust on the furniture.

“I picked the cheapest hotel,” you tell him before he can start complaining. You take the bag and start shuffling through the contents. When you find what you’re looking for, you take it out and hand it over to Levi.

“Here, a microfiber cloth,” you tell him and pat him on the head. He grabs the cloth and starts to furiously wipe off the dust.

You look around the room. It’s your typical budget hotel. There are two beds uncomfortably close to each other, two bedside tables and a microwave that looks like it hasn’t been used in years, as well as a small TV on the desk across from the beds. It’s nothing luxurious but it’ll do for one night. It was cheap and the beach is just a couple of minutes’ walk away.

You sit down on the bed and turn on the TV, patiently waiting for Levi to be done.

Levi finally slumps down on his bed about fifteen minutes later.

“Better?” you ask with a small grin. He nods.

“It’s daytime so the beach is probably crowded. Do you want to go right away or later?”

“Let’s just do whatever you think is good,” he says straightforwardly. You shrug and lean back on the bed. You decide it’s better to go in the evening. There will be less people. You’re afraid Levi will get overwhelmed or arouse suspicion with his obliviousness.

-

It’s almost 10 p.m. when you walk out of the hotel. You spent the day watching TV and ordered some take-out for dinner. The street lights light your path as you walk along the empty streets. It’s a small town with a population of about 20,000 and its only selling point is the beach you’re now heading towards.

You can hear the waves clashing against the shore long before you make it to the beach.

“Here we are,” you tell him and gesture towards the open water. On the beach, there are only a couple of people scattered around, mostly sitting on towels either drinking alcohol or making out.

The sand is soft, caving under your feet. It makes it considerably more challenging to walk through to the water. You glance at Levi; his eyes are sharp on the sea.

You walk him away from the few people you see until there is a good 100 meters between you. You don’t want them to overhear yourself explaining everything to Levi.

You walk towards the sea until you’ve reached the point where the waves meet the shore. Levi follows you cautiously. You stop and breathe in the air. It’s fresh and salty.

“And here you see what majority of the world is made of,” you tell Levi, pretending to be a tour guide. He doesn’t respond but there is a certain shine in his eyes as he looks out to the horizon. No land in sight, just the sea, stretching ahead for hundreds of kilometres. He looks speechless.

The sun is setting ahead of you. If you were feeling any more optimistic, you would maybe regard the view as romantic. But unfortunately, you’re very aware of the realities. Levi told you not to get carried away.

“How is it?” you ask curiously.

“Big,” Levi admits. Even with his usual poker face, you can hear the awe and fascination in his tone. You chuckle. It’s been a while since you’ve last seen the sea. You’ve been busy with work and school and driving to the coast has been too much of an effort.

You stare out to the sea with a nostalgic smile.

“I used to come here quite a lot when I was a kid,” you tell Levi. “I tried to make a sand castle each time but my sister kept ruining them. One time, I’d had enough of her bullshit so I threw a plastic shovel at her. She started crying and I was so afraid of her telling my parents that I gave her my allowance for the week. First and last time I ever gave anyone hush money.”

Levi hums.

“Sorry,” you turn your eyes from the horizon to your shoes. “You’re probably not interested in my childhood stories.“

“It’s refreshing,” Levi tells you nonchalantly. “Hearing about children who grew up happy.”

“You mean they didn’t where you come from?” you ask carefully. Levi shakes his head.

“I see.”

“How many of you are there?” he asks. You wonder for a moment if it’s some kind of existential question, but soon realize he means your siblings.

“I have an older brother, a younger brother and two younger sisters,” you reveal. “There’s five of us in total.” You’re a quite typical middle child who went largely unnoticed. Your younger siblings were the troublemakers and your older brother was the overachiever. You were always somewhere in the middle. In short, you were the child your parents were the least concerned with.

Not that they don’t love you or give you attention, but you were never the type to make your parents worry. Besides your night terrors, there has never been anything particularly wrong with you. You didn’t rebel against them, didn’t skip school, get sick often, smoke or drink.

Even now, you’ve kept your career as a go-go dancer a secret from them. You always managed on your own. But you weren’t as impressive as your older brother, who was the golden child. Straight-A student with also a knack for competitive sports. So, you didn’t get that amount of admiration from your parents, either.

“Five kids. Sounds like a handful,” Levi snorts.

“I suppose we were,” you confirm with a small grin. You watch the waves crashing to the shore and take a few steps back to sit on the sand. You cross your legs and sigh.

Levi joins you, and you can’t help but notice that he sits down right next to you instead of putting the usual amount of distance between you. You raise an eyebrow.

“Aren’t you being cuddly today,” you tell him with a chuckle. His eyes are glued to the water, it’s glimmering with the last rays of sunshine still above the horizon.

He doesn’t say anything for the longest time.

“It’s not wise,” he finally voices his thoughts. Your body, relaxed up until now, tenses involuntarily. You know what he’s talking about.

“I know,” you sigh. You know it’s not wise. But the feelings are already there and you can’t seem to get rid of them. You smile wistfully and stare at your hands.

“I’m not made of glass you know,” you tell him. “I can handle a rejection. Just say it.”

Levi stays quiet. You can tell he’s thinking things over furiously. Still, he doesn’t reject you, doesn’t say anything or do anything.

Slowly and very cautiously, you move your head until it’s leaning against his shoulder. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply. Now that Levi’s brought it up on his own, it’s about time you have this sorted out.

“Push me away,” you tell him. You try to make your voice as assertive and challenging as possible, but even to you it sounds weak.

He’s tense. You can feel his conflicted emotions. They’re radiating off him even though he doesn’t say a word. You bite your lip and open your eyes, now getting a bit irked. He started this conversation and now he’s unwilling to carry it through.

You grab his shoulders and push him down on the sand. He could easily prevent it but doesn’t. You climb on top of him, your knees on each side of his hips and your hands on each side of his head. You stare down at him intensely, your hair hanging freely so that it almost touches his face.

He looks at you uneasily, eyes annoyed and conflicted, before turning his head to the side to avoid your gaze.

“Push me away,” you demand. “If you don’t want me, then tell it to my face.”

“Listen, you brat,” he starts, teeth gritting together and eyes glued to the horizon. “This is hardly the ideal time for me to get involved in-”

“Then push me away!” you snap, eyes blazing as you stare him down. You don’t need an explanation, you just need him to tell you no, once and for all.

He sighs, sounding resigned. Eyes still averted, he reaches both of his hands. He places them on your shoulders and pauses. You see a flash of emotion on his face, as if it’s taking a fair share of resolve from him.

Then, he pushes gently.

You let out a breath and instantly climb off him. There’s your answer.

“Okay,” you whisper and get back on your feet. You close your eyes, fighting back the feeling of wanting to cry, and offer him your hand.

“Thank you. That’s all I wanted from you, a clear answer,” you tell him with a smile. However forced the smile feels, you refuse to let it falter. With this, you’ll treat him as usual. You owe him that much after pushing him to do this.

Levi takes your hand and easily climbs back on his feet. He looks at you thoughtfully. He looks slightly guilty, nervous even, something you’ve never witnessed before.

“Listen, it’s not that I don’t-”

“Don’t,” you interrupt gently and turn to walk away. “I have what I need, anything more would just make things needlessly complicated. Just promise me one thing.” You turn to him with a serious face.

“What?”

“Don’t run away on me. I won’t pursue you like this any further, so please don’t do anything rash like leaving to live on the streets. I’m not taking care of you because I want your feelings in return.”

He looks at you, face settling back to its usual, unreadable mien, and nods. You smile, relieved.

“Okay. Let’s go back.” You start walking back towards the hotel.

“Maybe we can go for a boat ride tomorrow,” you hum, trying to lighten the mood even if it’s utterly futile.

Levi walks a couple of steps behind you and stays quiet the whole way.

-

You wake up in the middle of the night.

You can’t remember having a nightmare. You grab your phone and check the time. It’s 1:30 a.m.

Maybe it’s Levi’s presence that’s making you restless, you had an emotionally loaded exchange after all, and now he’s sleeping less than a meter away from you. You find yourself wide awake. You glance over to the other bed. Levi seems to be fast asleep. You can hear his undisturbed breathing and see his form completely still. You sit up and move so that you’re leaning against the headboard.

You’re glad you brought Levi here. Despite his unaffected demeanour, you can see he enjoyed seeing the sea. You turn your head to glance at his sleeping form and smile. Quietly, you get out of the bed and walk to the window. It’s dark outside, you can’t see anyone on the parking lot.

He turned you down. He gave you that rejection you demanded from him. Despite putting on a brave face for the whole evening, you still feel that heaviness in your stomach. Part of you is angry with yourself. What did you expect, falling for a guy like Levi?

You know he could see it too. Even though you tried your best to act normal as you watched some game shows and got ready for bed, you could feel his eyes on you, gaze evaluating. But he respected your resolve to get through it without pampering enough to refrain from saying anything.

The longer you stay in the hotel room, the tinier the space feels. You glance at Levi but he’s still asleep and unmoving. Maybe you should go outside for a moment. It’s apparent that you can’t really fall back asleep like this.

You change your clothes with only the light from your cell phone as your aid, grab the key card from the desk and make your way to the door. You open it as quietly as possible and slip out.

A couple of minutes later, you’re walking along the dark streets. You don’t need to feel afraid of being robbed or harassed here, the town is small and very provincial.

The beach is completely deserted when you reach it. It’s already morning hours after all.

You walk to the waterline and take a deep breath, allowing the sound of the waves lull your mind. You need to get your head straight and put your feelings for Levi behind you. Even if he feels conflicted, pushing him to start anything with you would be wrong.

You sigh and wipe off the few persistent tears that have broken through to the exterior.

“I’m a fucking joke,” you mutter to yourself. Getting all angsty about a crush. You’re an independent adult, you should be above all of this.

You stare out to the ocean. It’s dark and looks cold. Maybe taking a dip would help you to wash away these unwanted feelings. You used to love swimming at night when you were a teen. You’d sneak away from home during summers to go to a nearby lake. There, you would sit on the docks with your earphones on and occasionally go for a bit of skinny dipping.

You strip down to your underwear and toss the clothes on the shore. When you tip your toe in the water, you shiver. It really is fucking cold. You think over your plan but eventually decide to just go with it. Your stubborn streak prevents you from chickening out.

“It’s okay. It’ll only sting for a moment,” you calm yourself down out loud. Once you’ve plunged in properly, you’ll soon get used to the temperature. “Don’t back out now. Here goes.”

You march right in, gritting your teeth. The coldness and adrenaline make your body tingle. You let out a hitched breath when the water hits the sensitive skin on your belly. But you refuse to give in. You take a deep breath and leap right into the water. Immediately, you dive and swim further away from the shore.

“Don’t!”

You didn’t realize you’re not alone. The shout is muffled as you’re underwater, but you hear it nonetheless. You surface and keep yourself afloat by kicking your legs underwater. You turn your head to see where the yell came from and your eyes land on Levi.

It’s dark around you, but even so, you instantly know that you’ve never seen him like this. He’s standing a few meters behind you, waist deep in the water. His arm is outstretched towards you and his eyes are wide. For the first time ever, you see something even distantly resembling fear on his face.

“Levi,” you blink. The water is still damn cold but the worst sting has subsided. He takes a step towards you and holds out his arm.

“Come on, grab onto me,” he barks a command. You see his chest is heaving faster than usual. You’re confused.

“What?” you utter and cock your head to the side with a nervous chuckle. Something about his behaviour is very off. You didn’t even know he followed you here and suddenly he’s barged to the icy water after you.

He doesn’t ask again. Instead, he takes another step and reaches to yank you to him by your arm. The usual gentleness is gone, he’s harsh with his movements as he drags you back to the shore. His hand is trembling a little where he’s holding you, and you’re not sure if it’s because of the cold or something else.

You’re too baffled to comprehend the full situation. But when your brain snaps back to action mode, you realize his grip hurts.

“Hey, what the hell,” you snap and try to pull your arm away. He doesn’t budge, only after you’re safely back on land and there’s a few good meters between you and the water does he let you go. He’s now standing between you and the sea.

He crosses his arms and you see the usual calmness return to his face. But even then, you can hear from his voice that he’s disturbed and angry.

“What the hell did you do that for?” he asks and narrows his eyes.

“Do what? Since when have you been here?” you ask and rub your tender arm.

“I woke up when you left and followed you here,” he tells you. “I didn’t intend to make my presence known, I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. I thought something was off with all that shit you said to yourself while standing here, but I never thought you’d resort to something like this.”

“Something like this,” you repeat with a frown. He’s not making any sense.

Then the realization suddenly dawns on you and you let out an enlightened sound.

“You’ve never seen the ocean. Does that mean you’ve never seen anyone swim before?” you ask him carefully. Now it’s his turn to frown.

“Swimming. Using your body to move through the water,” you explain. You move your arms to show him the motion. “That’s what I was doing.”

Levi eyes you warily, obviously trying to determine if you’re feeding him bullshit. Then, he finally sighs, tension leaving his body. Still, he keeps his eyes on you like a hawk, wary that you’ll rush right back in the second he turns his back. It’s obvious that despite your explanation, he doesn’t trust the sea or your swimming skills one bit.

“I’m not mentally unstable,” you point out to him, now feeling a bit awkward. “I wouldn’t drown myself over something like this.” You blush a bit. Do you really seem that hysterical? Granted, Levi didn’t know that swimming is even a thing, but the frantic look on his face really caught you off guard.

“I see.” Is that relief you see on his face? It’s hard to make out in the darkness.

“Furthermore,” you point out and cross your arms. Maybe a good scolding is what’s needed to make the situation less awkward.

“You can’t swim, right? Then what the hell were you doing coming in after me.” You give him an unimpressed look. He responds with a small glare telling you to shut it, but you’re not done.

“If I was trying to do what you suspected, it would have just resulted in both of us dying. I know that you’re strong and all but doing that was just idiotic.”

You see him grit his teeth.

“If I was truly hopeless enough to toss my life away because some grumpy old man doesn’t return my feelings, then I say just let me drown. Why would you-“

You’re cut off as Levi suddenly approaches you with brash movements.

He grabs the back of your neck, eyes glaring intensely, and crashes your mouths together. Your lips are wet and they probably taste like salt. Despite that, he angles his head immediately, his hand pushes into your dripping hair and his arm is locking around your naked waist.

A moan tears from your throat and despite the shock, your response is instantaneous. You grab his shoulders and lean in. Your eyes flutter shut and you reply with desperate force. Something ignites in your chest, a warm sensation that courses through your whole body as he takes your mouth with unprecedented force. He pushes against you so hard you would probably lose your footing if his arm wasn’t there, securely keeping you in place.

“Levi,” you gasp against his lips and when he pulls away, you follow the movement and kiss him again. You don’t want it to end yet.

He groans. Instead of protesting, he pulls you closer, fingers tightening in your hair. You notice his hands are trembling ever so slightly. You don’t know if it’s the fact that his clothes are wet or the fact that you’re pressing against him, dressed only in your underwear.

You want more, you want to get closer. You slide your palm up until it’s resting on the crook of his neck, keeping him in place as you kiss.

You’re getting out of breath but you couldn’t care less. The want that has been steadily brewing inside you for the last couple of days is pouring over. It makes you moan without restraints. You bite his lower lip and then soothe the sting with your tongue. Your whole body is on goose bumps. Levi lets out a throaty sound but he doesn’t seem to have any protests. If anything, it makes him kiss you harder.

It feels much too soon when Levi finally breaks the kiss and puts some distance between you. You’re panting, eyes lidded and mind blissfully blank of all the blue thoughts you’ve been carrying.

“Do you get it now? Shitty brat,” he says, voice low and uncharacteristically raspy. He’s a bit out of breath. The intensity is still there, pooling in his eyes as he looks at you.

He’s trying his best to keep his act together but you can see subtle signs that he’s riled up. The way his gaze involuntarily flickers from your eyes to your now swollen lips, the way his Adam’s apple moves as he swallows as inconspicuously as possible, the way he’s still holding onto your hair and waist to keep you close.

Yeah. You get it. Why he ran in after you. Truth is, you knew before you even asked.

You nod without a word. He sighs and lets go of you. He walks to grab your clothes and hands them to you.

“Let’s go back.”

You want to ask him things. A lot of things. About his feelings, about where you stand, about what you should expect in the future. About who he is, what he wants, where he’s going. But no words leave your lips as you pull your clothes on and follow Levi back to the hotel.

You don’t want to ruin this memory. Not for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy! We're finally getting somewhere! I must say, I struggled a lot with this chapter, I even deleted an entire 3,000 word draft because I wasn't happy with it. I'm feeling pretty confident with this version, even if it took me a lot of obsessive otome-game playing and reading an embarrassing amount of Levi doujinshis to get my head in the right space.
> 
> Nonetheless, I worked extra hard for this chapter. I'm going to be busy next week, I'm working the whole week and then on the weekend I'm going to see my parents and as my talkative brother and his wife will also be there, I doubt I'll have much room for writing. Thus, I wanted to get this out this week. 
> 
> Also, as I was writing these notes, the clock struck midnight. Which means that it's officially June 30th. Which happens to be my birthday. This dirty auntie officially turned 25. The optimist in me says I'm quarter way through my life, the realist says I'm third way through and the pessimist says I'm halfway through.
> 
> Now for the usual begging. When I was writing this chapter and struggling immensely, it was the wonderful comments you guys left me that made me take a deep breath and resume working every time I felt like rage quitting. It is those comments that boost my confidence and make me think I can do it when I feel like the lousiest writer alive. So if you've got a spare minute, please consider writing a comment!


	6. Chapter 6

Levi’s expression is that of pure suspicion as he steps on board of the boat. He narrows his eyes and flinches a bit at the way the vessel sways underneath him. He gives the lifejacket he’s wearing a disgusted look and then raises his head to give you a small glare.

You step in after him, humming to yourself. You don’t want to ruin the surprise of what you’re here to do, but you’re sure the payoff will be worth it.

“Why is this thing bright orange?” Levi asks and tugs at his lifejacket with a look of disdain.

“If you fall in the water, you’re easier to see,” you explain. Getting Levi to come here, agree to get on the boat and put on a jacket he deems absolutely ridiculous-looking was not an easy feat, but you’re determined to show him at least one of the many things the sea has to offer.

The kiss hasn’t left your mind for a second. Last night has been circling in your head over and over on an endless loop.

After you got back to the hotel last night, you both quietly slipped between the sheets and went to sleep. A wordless agreement to not talk about it until you’ve got an opportune moment. Without a doubt, it won’t be a quick or simple discussion.

“So, the sign on this boat says whale watching,” Levi starts when you’ve departed and the shore is a good 100 meters behind you. “What is that?”

“It’s a surprise. I promise it won’t disappoint you,” you tell him with a small smile. There are a few people around you joining you for the watch, mostly families but also a couple of foreign tourists. You recognize the language they’re speaking as French.

You walk to the railing and lean over it a bit to let the fresh wind mess up your hair. The engine of the boat is thundering underneath you. Levi follows you but he keeps his head and limbs firmly behind the fence. He doesn’t seem to trust this vehicle any more than he trusts your car. You have a hunch that the only reason he agreed to come here is that he’s still not convinced you won’t jump over and attempt to swim again.

“So how does this thing stay afloat?” he asks. You’re further away from the rest of the passengers, and the people around you are more interested in staring out to the sea with their cameras ready than listening to you, so you’re not too worried about people hearing Levi’s words.

“I don’t know the specifics,” you confess.

Only after Levi came to your life have you started to realize how little you know how things work. How electricity works, how airplanes stay in the air, how boats stay afloat, you never really wondered any of those things. You’re just used to things being this way.

“Add that to your list of things to google,” you continue. Once you get home, you’ve promised to show Levi how to use a computer. After he learns to google, he can get all that information and then some.

“So you’re saying that you have no idea how-” Levi cuts off his snarky remark and his eyes widen, glued out to the sea. You grin knowingly and follow his gaze out to the water.

There, you can see it, jumping happily.

“This is a female humpback whale to our right, about 25 years old. She often comes by our boats to play,” the guide explains through a megaphone.

“That’s a whale,” you tell Levi, your grin widening at his awestruck face. For once, he looks speechless. There’s a good fifty meters between you and the whale but even then, the sheer size of it is obvious.

“Is that a fish?” he asks, eyes glued to the whale. It’s jumping in the water and splashing its tail fin, clearly putting on a show for the spectators.

“It’s a mammal. See the way it lets out a sound every time it comes to the surface? It’s breathing. Whales need to come to the surface every now and then to breathe.”

Levi frowns and rips his eyes off the sight to give you a frown.

“Why does it live in the water then if it can’t breathe there?”

You shrug and smile sheepishly.

“Another thing to add on the list.”

He gives you an unimpressed look and turns back to the whale. The captain is slowly bringing the boat closer to the whale so people can take better photos.

“Are they all this big?” Levi asks.

“Most are bigger. The blue whale is the biggest whale there is, it can grow up to 30 meters long,” you explain. “That fella over there is a humpback whale, one of the smaller species.”

“30 meters,” Levi repeats and even he can’t hide his astonishment. “That’s almost as big as-” he cuts off there and shakes his head. You notice he presses his lips together tightly, as if he’s worried about revealing too much.

The boat hits some larger waves and sways underneath you. You stumble a little and you have about a second to worry about possibly falling before you feel an arm grabbing your waist, stabilizing you. You look up at Levi and an uncharacteristic blush creeps on your face.

His expression is calm and steady as he holds onto you until the boat has made it over the waves.

“Thanks,” you breathe. His expression turns thoughtful and you can’t help but notice that he keeps his arm there a moment longer than necessary before pulling back.

It makes you want to ask things. Last night flashes in your mind again, the raw emotion in his actions when he kissed you. But you hold onto your resolve to wait until you have a proper moment.

“I don’t trust this thing,” Levi mutters, referring to the boat. But nonetheless, his eyes turn back to the whale. You smile to yourself. You know Levi doesn’t trust the boat. He doesn’t trust cars, either. And if he got on an airplane he definitely wouldn’t put his faith in getting down in one piece. But it’s obvious he trusts _you_ to judge whether it’s safe enough. And you know that trust is something you shouldn’t take for granted.

It’s baffling in a way. He’s willing to leave it up to you to decide whether something is safe for him, but he doesn’t trust you enough to let you in on his secrets.

You decide to push that thought back for now. You’re here to make nice memories, not to brood. You take out your cell phone and snap a couple of pictures of the whale as it jumps and splashes in the water.

Your eyes slide to Levi and you contemplate for a moment. Then, as inconspicuously as possible, you turn the camera towards him and snap a quick portrait of his side profile. Just so you at least have one picture, one memento to remember him by when he eventually decides to leave.

This, however, doesn’t go unnoticed. Levi’s eyes whip to you and he narrows his eyes.

You explained cameras and how they work to him before you came here. Just so he wouldn’t get weirded out at people pointing their cell phones and other devices at the sea. He looks at your cell phone for a moment and it’s obvious he knows what you just did.

But instead of telling you to delete the picture, he lets it go and turns back to the whale.

In your mind, you thank him for allowing you this.

-

It’s already quite late into the afternoon when you finally start the car to go back home. Levi hasn’t said anything about the whales, but you can tell seeing them has affected him.

You plug in your phone and push shuffle on the playlist. You might as well continue the crash course on music.

Levi has been mostly quiet the entire day. Without a doubt, the kiss is weighing in his mind as much as it is in yours. Eventually, you’ll be forced to talk about it.

You accelerate as you get on the freeway, some 60s rock playing in the background. You glance at Levi. He’s staring straight ahead, a thoughtful look on his face. You contemplate going straight to business and just asking him about last night, but something tells you he’ll voice his thoughts once he’s managed to gather them.

Fifteen minutes pass in complete silence before he finally opens his mouth.

“I acted rashly,” he states. His voice is flat and colourless. You stay quiet, waiting for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

Is that his way of saying it should not have happened? Or that he’s sorry? The small, hopeful flutter you’ve been carrying in your stomach dies down abruptly and is replaced with a heavy feeling.

“Do you regret it?” you ask, shoulders tensing a little. You don’t want a white lie with a sugar coating. You want the truth, even if it hurts.

“I do,” Levi replies, but you catch the conflicted tone of his voice. He sighs. “Or rather, I should,” he corrects himself after a brief pause.

Without your consent, the hopeful feeling returns. Inside your head, you’re cursing yourself. You don’t want to get your hopes up like this. It’s obvious Levi is very reluctant to even discuss this with you.

You can feel how conflicted and even confused he is about all of this. You glance at him. His whole body is tense, his eyes glued to the road ahead.

“Listen, Levi,” you start as you move your eyes back to the road. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you’re not alright with what happened last night, then we can act like it never happened.” The suggestion sounds unconvincing even to yourself. Your voice is thin and faltering and your hands are clutching the wheel with unnatural intensity.

“No,” Levi denies right away. “That would just be counterproductive. It’s no use pretending that nothing happened since we both know that something _did_ happen.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?” you ask quietly. “More than doing that kind of stuff with you, I just want to have a good, natural relationship. I never craved for drama.” You sigh. If Levi doesn’t want to start anything with you, then honestly you would prefer to duck your head in the sand. “I just want you in my life in a way that’s comfortable to you.”

“I promised I wouldn’t run and I plan to keep that promise,” Levi tells you calmly. That eases some of the tension in your body.

You swallow thickly and hesitate for a moment before opening your mouth. You just want to know what he’s truly thinking. Not what he wants or thinks is appropriate considering the situation, but what he honestly feels.

“Is it safe for me to assume that you feel something for me?” you ask, fighting to keep your voice as steady as possible. “I just want to hear the truth. Even if the answer is yes, I won’t take it as a proposal to start a relationship or anything. I just want to know the facts so that we’re on the same page.”

Levi is quiet and you can almost feel the uneasiness radiating from him. You suddenly feel bad for asking, considering your motivation for doing so is largely just selfish neediness.

“Yeah. I feel something for you,” Levi finally mutters. His voice is unnaturally quiet and awkward in a way that’s almost adorable.

“Me, too. Though I think you already know that,” you reply meekly. “I’m glad you told me the truth. Thank you.”

“As I told you earlier, it’s not wise. My situation is… Complicated. I really shouldn’t get involved with this kind of thing,” Levi says grimly.

“And as I told you earlier, I’m not taking care of you in hopes of getting anything out of it. If you don’t want to do that kind of thing again, that’s fine. Whatever your reasons might be.” You try to sound as brave as possible, and despite the disappointment and longing weighing you down, you mean what you’re saying.

“I don’t get you,” Levi mutters, more to himself. You chuckle and shake your head.

“I appreciate things the way they are now, even if in my heart there would be room for something more. I value your friendship.”

“I don’t know what to think,” Levi confesses, opting to respond to your honesty with his own. The mere fact that he’s being this open speaks volumes about how much he trusts and appreciates you.

“When I think about last night…” he trails off, and that seems to be the limit of how much of his feelings he can put on display. You nod. You understand.

“We’ve got time. It’s not like everything has to be resolved right now. If you feel like right now, you need things to be platonic, I’m alright with that.”

“I can’t promise things will change in the future,” Levi warns you warily.

“I don’t want that kind of promise. We’ll see what happens in the future. Maybe nothing will happen and we’ll part ways as friends. If that’s how it is, then I’ll respect that.” Despite that, you can feel your blue feelings in the back of your head, telling you that you’re just putting up a front. But you want to believe that you’re strong enough to hold onto your words. You’re not taking care of Levi with the hopes of getting something out of it. You respect him as a person, and you know he respects you in return. Above anything else, you want that to prevail.

Levi must be seeing that you’re struggling. He looks at you pensively, weighing your words carefully before finally, he nods.

“I appreciate it,” he says, and he sounds sincere.

You nod and turn up the volume of the music a bit. You give him a small smile.

“Don’t stress about me. More than anything, I want you to feel comfortable.”

Levi stays quiet for a while before releasing a long exhale.

“Alright,” he finally relents and from the corner of your eye you see him relax a bit.

Even if your feelings are mixed and wistful, you still mean what you said. You don’t want to pressure him into anything he’s not alright with and for now, the time is not opportune for anything other than friendship. You can live with that.

There are many more important things in life than getting what you want. Such as giving someone else what they need.

It’s what your mother taught you as a child, and you plan to live by it.

-

You place the laptop down on the coffee table and open the lid. You press the button to turn the device on and as it’s booting, you move to the kitchen to fix yourself a cup of coffee. While you’re there, you also brew some tea for Levi. The man is sitting on the couch, eyeing your laptop with mild curiosity.

After a couple of minutes, you return with two steaming hot mugs. You hand Levi his jasmine tea and sit down next to him. You take a sip of your coffee and let out a soft, satisfied sigh. Caffeine always does the trick.

“Okay, this might take a while, computers are not simple to use like the TV. Are you sure you want to dive into this?” you reassure one last time. Levi nods.

“Alright then. But I have one condition. Take everything as it is. Don’t ask me how or why something works the way it does because hell if I know.”

Levi nods again. You’re satisfied with that and start giving him instructions. You tell him how to use the keyboard and mouse and guide him through the log-in process step by step.

You have to try to keep your grin at bay when you see him clumsily try to get the pointer to where he wants it and the way he slowly types using only two fingers. It reminds you of the time you tried to teach your grumpy grandfather how to play Solitaire on his old and slow Windows 95.

It takes Levi a couple of minutes, but he manages to log in eventually. Your desktop opens, revealing your Star Wars wallpaper of Rey and Kylo Ren, and an impressive collection of shortcuts to different programs.

“Don’t get overwhelmed,” you warn him. “You will never have to use the majority of those programs. You can do all sorts of things with a computer. You can play games, chat with your friends and strangers, watch, read and listen to entertainment, seek information… There are very few things you _can’t_ do with a computer,” you explain.

“If you want to learn everything, that would take about…” you turn to check your imaginary watch. “…two weeks. So for now, I’ll teach you how to search for information and nothing else. If you use the computer while I’m not looking, don’t do anything besides what I’ve taught you. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Levi replies dully. He doesn’t seem that interested in all of the awe-inspiring ways computers have revolutionised modern life. Then again, you’re not surprised. Levi is a very linear person after all. He has a task that he focuses on and everything else is more or less trivial to him.

You take another sip of your coffee and instruct Levi to double-click on the browser icon. He obeys, and the browser opens with a Google search page.

“Okay, this is where you get information,” you explain. “That page is where you start. It’s called Google. How it works is that you type in what you want to find.”

You lean in to take over the keyboard and type _‘restaurants near me’._ You see Levi’s eyebrows move up his forehead just slightly when the search results bring back a list of places and their distance to you, a map indicating their locations and their opening hours and other information.

You do another search, this time about a broader term. You type in _‘the plague’_ and the first result is a Wikipedia article about the Black Death.

“See this?” You highlight the number 42,900,000 displayed under the search bar. “This is the amount of results Google found. It automatically arranges the results according to relevance.”

Levi doesn’t reply, but his eyes are following everything that’s going on the screen.

“So, when you’re looking for information, it’s a good idea to try going through the results top down. Usually one of the first results is Wikipedia.” You click on the link to the Wikipedia article.

“It’s an online dictionary where anyone can add or update information. It’s usually pretty reliable and up to date.”

You show him a couple of other results for _the plague_ before you land on a sketchy website with a lot of flashing banners and pop-up ads.

“When you surf, never click on these ads. You should close these pop-up windows,” you tell him and show how to do it. “And never give your information, or mine, anywhere. If a website looks fishy, leave. Those are my conditions to let you use my computer. Got it?”

Levi grunts in agreement.

You briefly teach him how to use bookmarks and show him around a couple of other sites like YouTube and reddit, but they don’t seem to interest him much. He doesn’t make any searches of his own, undoubtedly because he wants to keep his interests a secret.

It has taken you about two hours to get the basics down. You think Levi now knows enough to manage on his own, and you’ve emphasized many times that he shouldn’t click on any shady links. You’ve also given him a long preach about scams and Nigerian princes even though you believe he’s smart enough not to fall for them.

“Okay, I think this is enough,” you sigh. You reach for you coffee mug and drink the last of the coffee. It’s already cold and you make a face at the taste.

You instruct Levi how to log off and close the computer and when he’s done, you close the lid.

“I’ll leave it there. You can use it while I’m not here.”

“Okay.”

“Just heed the precautions,” you stress one more time.

“Yeah, I get it,” Levi tells you and gives you a moderately annoyed look.

“Good boy.” You grin a bit and get up. You grab the mugs and carry them to the kitchen. Levi follows you and as you rinse the dishes, he hovers behind you.

“…thank you,” he finally forces out. You chuckle and turn to give him a smile.

“Just be warned, I will not cover the rehabilitation if you develop a porn addiction,” you tell him playfully.

“I won’t. I don’t find most people attractive,” Levi tells you honestly, voice steady. You pause for a moment, those stubborn butterflies yet again spreading in your stomach. He doesn’t find most people attractive, but he kissed you.

“Does that mean-” you start before you can help yourself, but you cut it short and quickly shake your head. “Never mind.”

“Yes. It means I find you attractive while I don’t most people,” he unexpectedly replies, voice still calm, even though you can hear a slight hint of awkwardness underneath. You make a small, choked sound and give him a wide-eyed, surprised look.

You stare at him, dumbfounded and blinking, before finally reaching a hand to place on his forehead.

“Tell me your symptoms, I’ll run to the pharmacy,” you tell him, tone serious and alarmed. He gives you an irritated, if not somewhat embarrassed frown.

“Seriously. You’ve clearly come down with something,” you insist. He sighs and finally breaks the eye contact.

“I’ve been thinking since last night. Whenever possible, I’ll try to be more honest with you,” he explains. “I think I owe you as much. I can’t tell you everything but… Where I can, I’ll be upfront.”

“Oh,” you utter and drop your hand from his face, unable to find much else to say. Well, it’s certainly not unappreciated, even if it feels weird as hell.

“I’ll try not to exploit your resolve too much,” you finally add. You know how much it means coming from Levi, and how difficult it must be for him, being as reserved as he is.

He’s deciding to trust you with his feelings. You give him a genuine smile.

“Thank you, Levi.”

He reaches to stroke the top of your head as he leaves to go back to the living room.

-

When you return from school the following Monday, Levi is not home. As you move to the living room, an absent-minded glance at the note on the dining table confirms your suspicions. He’s at the gym again.

The laptop is resting on the coffee table, blinking idly in sleep mode. Levi clearly used it today since you turned it off last night.

You plop down on the couch and let out a relaxed breath. Levi’s words from last night are still circling around in your head and you can’t help a reluctant blush whenever you remember he called you attractive. You never considered yourself especially good-looking and knowing that someone, not to even mention Levi of all people, sees qualities in your he likes… You’re not going to lie, it makes you feel nice.

You think over your to-do list and lazily reach for your laptop. You decide to check your email and maybe get started on an essay you need to hand in come weekend. You don’t have work today, so you might as well do something useful with your time.

You move to lie down on the couch, your back resting against the armrest. You open the lid of the laptop and balance the computer on your bent knees. As the machine resumes, it automatically opens the browser. Levi probably didn’t know to close it after he was done. You see the familiar Google logo and hum. You wonder what Levi was using the computer for.

Despite having stressed to him that he wasn’t supposed to click any sketchy links, you’re moderately worried that he failed to fulfil that promise. Not on purpose, but he is still a novice. You open the browser history and skim your eyes over the visited pages to make sure nothing is suspicious there. It’s mostly just searches on different terms, nothing out of the ordinary.

You’re about to close the history when your eyes pause on words that catch your attention.

_‘Time travel’._

You frown and click on the link. A new tab pops up, opening the search Levi has made. You see some of the results being purple in colour, indicating Levi has clicked on the links. You move back to the browser history and go through it again, now puzzled and uncomfortably alarmed.

_‘Year 850’._

_‘Titan’,_

_‘Human eater’._

_‘Alternate reality’._

_‘Dimension hopping’._

_‘Reincarnation’._

_‘Night terrors and reincarnation’._

Your mouth is now gaping as your eyes move over the searches Levi has made. You’re so shocked, so incomprehensibly taken aback that you can’t even muster the coherency to smile at the last search Levi made with the search terms _“having feelings for a younger woman”._

Your thoughts are racing in your head and as you sit there and try to make sense of the nonsensical information you’ve just read. The puzzle pieces start moving in your head, locking in place one by one.

Levi’s not a refugee with amnesia, that much you already gathered long ago. But the mystery of what he is exactly is now being revealed before your eyes.

You have no reason to doubt his sanity, you’ve been around him intensely enough to see that he’s not psychotic. And it makes too much sense. Why he’s so unfamiliar with modern technology, why he refuses to tell you where he comes from. Even if it sounds like something straight out of a sci-fi novel.

He’s not from here. Not from this Earth, not even from this time.

You suddenly wish you didn’t look. Levi has his reasons for keeping this a secret and you’ve violated his privacy. He’s starting to trust you, he’s opening up to you, and now you know his secret. Rather than thinking about how absurd the whole notion of time traveling or dimension hopping is, all you’re thinking about is how you would rather have heard it from his mouth. And a small part of you is astonished about how easily you seem to be accepting the thought that Levi might be from another time.

You close the browser and pull the lid down. You place the laptop back on the coffee table where it was and try to make sense of your thoughts.

You hear rustling from the door and realise that Levi’s back home. You shoot up from the couch like you were zapped with a hearty dose of electricity. You can’t meet him now, not when your thoughts are this disorganised.

You keep your head down as you slip to your room before Levi can finish taking off his shoes and come further in. You quickly change into a pair of leggings and pull on a tank top. As you step out of the bedroom, you glance at Levi, who’s heading towards the bathroom for a shower.

“Hi,” you mumble a small greeting and lean down to pull on your sneakers. Levi pauses at the bathroom door and turns to look at you. You feel his sharp eyes on you, evaluating your avoidant mannerisms.

“What?” he asks bluntly after a couple of seconds of silence. You’re furiously trying to tie your laces. You should have known that Levi would notice instantly that something’s amiss.

“Nothing,” you mutter. You finish fastening your shoes and stand up, making sure your gaze never crosses his. “Just going for a jog, is all.”

Levi is not buying it. You can feel the unimpressed aura radiating from where he’s standing next to the bathroom. He walks closer until he’s in front of you and reaches a hand towards you. He gently cups your chin between his thumb and index finger and lifts your head.

You glue your eyes to the side, taking him on a wordless battle of wills even though you know fully well that Levi is the kind of person who is perfectly content with standing there for the rest of the night waiting for you to meet his eyes.

After what feels like an eternity and a half, you finally give in. Swallowing thickly, you turn your eyes to meet his.

His face is glistening slightly with sweat from the gym. His dark and meaningful eyes are examining you. His gaze is calm but contains a hue of worry that makes your stomach twist with sudden guilt.

“Something happened,” he states. You know it’s futile to try to deny it, so you merely nod.

“I need a moment to gather my thoughts,” you reply honestly. It’s his turn to nod.

“I’ll go for a jog and when I come back, I think we should talk.”

“Alright.”

He lets go of you and steps back, giving you your space.

You give him a non-convincing smile and walk to the door. You can only pray that when you come back, you will know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened?! I swear I was only taking a small break from writing to focus on school and work, and suddenly it's four months later. I'm really sorry you guys, I never intended to have this chapter take this long.
> 
> That being said, I'm so happy I finally had a couple of free nights to sit down with my plans for the chapter and write it. I'm happy with how this turned out. I think. I'd love to hear your thoughts! (And to know if someone actually still reads this since it's been so long O_O).
> 
> If you have any thoughts or comments or would just like to say "hi, I read this", it would mean the world to me if you left a comment!
> 
> Hopefully I can push out a chapter faster than this next time. I'm really attached to this story and want to finish it. That being said, until next time!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION: Explicit content. Look away children. You have been warned. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

As you step out of the shower, your mind is calmer than upon leaving your apartment, but you’re not any closer to having a plan. You have no idea how to tackle this issue, how to even tell Levi what happened.

You know he’s sitting on the couch, patiently waiting for you to come out and talk. You were out for nearly one and a half hours, half an hour of which was mainly just walking around your neighbourhood, deciding to postpone the inevitable by going around the block one more time.

You dry yourself and pull on a loose T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. You stop to inspect yourself in the mirror. You look a bit pale, wholly unprepared to confess your misdoings to Levi. But you know you’ll have to. Keeping it a secret is not an option at this point. You want to build your relationship on trust and discussion rather than secrets and deceit.

You step out, hair damp and clinging to your neck, and cautiously make your way to the living room.

Levi is sitting on the couch, his demeanour calm as always. He’s clearly showered while you were gone, he’s changed into a pair of Marcus’ jeans and a black T-shirt, both of which are loose and baggy on his body.

His legs are crossed and when you come to his line of vision, he gives you a steady look. He has a cup of tea in his hand, and on the table in front of him is a steaming hot mug of coffee. You raise an eyebrow at him, you never taught him how to use the coffee maker.

“I’ve seen you make that enough times to know how,” he explains dully. He’s even added just enough milk to suit your taste. You smile shyly.

“Thanks.”

You sit down on the couch next to Levi and take the mug. You maneuver your body until you’re leaning against the armrest, your knees pressed against your chest. Levi looks at you patiently, waiting for you to talk first.

You take a deep breath and feel the words getting stuck in your throat, forming an uncomfortable lump. But rather than swallow it down, you force it out.

“I saw,” you confess quietly. “I forgot to tell you and I really didn’t intend to snoop, but the computer automatically saves every website you visit. I was just going to make sure you didn’t go on any sketchy websites but then my eyes landed on something that caught my interest and before I knew it, I’d read it all.”

The words are quiet and meek, but they pour out of you with intensifying speed. Now that you’ve started, you want to get everything out in one swoop.

Levi’s eyes have turned from patient to sharp, his expression stiff and hard. You feel him closing up, his defences raising, and it makes you feel horrible.

“Shit. I’m so sorry Levi, I should have remembered to tell you and I should never have opened the history. I…” You trail off and wince.

“And?” Levi’s voice is cool and penetrates your whole body. He’s clearly on high alert and you don’t blame him. You broke his trust.

“And?” you repeat, voice barely above a whisper.

“What do you think about it?” he asks. He’s still calm and composed despite looking wary. At least he hasn’t stormed out yet or started yelling at you.

“What do I think about it,” you repeat again and blink. You look at him closely, the reserved expression on his face. You think it over for a second before bravely meeting his eyes.

“If you were to tell me that you’re not from this time,” you start slowly and watch his shoulders hunch at the words, “and furthermore, that you’re from the past of a whole another dimension or reality… I would believe you.”

Levi looks suspicious. He’s not ready to believe that just yet.

“So, you claim you wouldn’t call the doctors to lock me up for the rest of my life?” Levi asks cautiously.

“I wouldn’t. I would be glad you told me and do whatever I could to help.” Your voice is steady and you’re staring into Levi’s eyes intensely, willing him to believe you.

Levi narrows his eyes a bit, but you can see the wariness and defensiveness give way to a tiny fraction of something that resembles relief.

“I’m not upset because of what I found out. I’m upset because I betrayed your trust. I’m upset because I wanted to hear this from you, when you’re ready,” you explain quietly. Levi’s expression shifts again, and if you didn’t know Levi at all you would have thought that the new emotion now shining in his eyes is that of affection. You don’t have much time to analyse it, though, before he’s back to his calm and stoic self.

“It was only a matter of time before you found out,” Levi admits slowly. “You’re a clever girl. Even if I didn’t tell you, you would have figured it out on your own.”

“Did you ever think of telling me?” you ask carefully, relaxing a bit as Levi brings his tea cup to his lips. It’s a clear indicator that he’s not as uncomfortable anymore or contemplating leaving. You opt to sip on your coffee as well.

“At times. But I wasn’t at all convinced you wouldn’t declare me crazy. Not because I think you’re the kind of person to do that,” he adds when he sees you open your mouth in protest, “but because it’s an outlandish thing to accept for anyone. I wouldn’t believe such a thing is possible if I wasn’t in the middle of this mess.”

You nod carefully. You understand. Were you in his situation, you would be cautious about whom to confide in as well.

“I trust you,” you tell him earnestly. “And it makes a lot of sense. Why you’re oblivious to certain things while not others.”

Levi sighs and takes another gulp out of his tea. He turns his eyes away with a frown and contemplates for a moment, clearly conflicted. Then, he meets your eyes again.

“My name is Levi Ackerman. I’m the captain of the Special Operations Squad. I’m from the year 850. Everything points towards me being from a different reality than this,” he starts explaining slowly. You listen attentively, taking a sip out of your coffee every now and then.

“In my world, humanity is nearing extinction. Only less than a million are left. In the year 750 or so, giant humanoid creatures we call titans just appeared out of nowhere and annihilated most of the human race.”

“That’s why you’re anxious to return? Because you left your fellow soldiers behind?” you ask him. He nods hesitantly.

“I have to get back to my squad. If there’s any way to return, I need to take it.”

You hum thoughtfully. Levi’s gaze is on you, gauging any signs of you being freaked out or in disbelief, but there’s none of that on your face. You’re ready to accept whatever he tells you.

“These titans…” you start. “What are they like?”

“They’re giant human-like creatures who seem to exist for nothing but their appetite for human flesh,” Levi says grimly. Your eyes widen.

“Human flesh? You mean… you mean those creatures _eat_ humans?” you ask, now visibly shocked. “And you’re fighting against them?”

“It’s a losing battle,” Levi admits reluctantly. “Or at least, was. Recently, we found a brat who could be our key to victory.”

“So how did you get here?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” Levi admits. “I was injured during one of our expeditions. I was treated and fell asleep on our way back. Then I woke up here.”

You think it over before opening your mouth again.

“This is over 1,000 years into the history we’re talking about. And not only that, a completely different reality than this. Levi, I’m not going to lie, odds are you can’t make it back. And if you were injured… Are you sure you’re even alive in that reality anymore?”

Levi’s expression turns considerably darker and you can instantly tell the same thought has crossed his mind more than once.

“I was thinking among the same lines. Until you had that attack.”

“Attack? You mean my night terrors?”

Your eyes suddenly widen in realisation.

“I have night terrors about human-eating monsters,” you voice both of your thoughts. “You think there’s a link between our worlds.”

“There are an awful lot of convenient coincidences,” Levi agrees and finishes his tea. “Not only the human-eating monsters part, but also the wall.”

“Wall?”

“When the titans first attacked, we built three walls around ourselves and them to keep them away. In 845, they ploughed through the outermost wall.”

You nod and think it over. You then get up to retrieve the folder with your childhood memories. As you sit back down on the couch, you open the folder and shuffle through the pages until you find the drawing you found the other day. You take it out of the plastic sleeve and hand it to Levi.

“Does this look familiar to you?” you ask. He takes the drawing and looks over it with keen eyes. His eyes slide over the childish doodle, the giant human-like creature, the people inside its mouth and the grey block next to them. He then nods.

“Yeah. That’s a titan. And that’s definitely the wall.”

“So, when I’m having night terrors I’m actually seeing into your reality?” you theorise slowly. It would sound absurd if you weren’t already dealing with the fact that you’re currently having a discussion with a time travelling military captain.

“That’s what it would seem like, yes,” Levi replies, and you need a moment to hold back a small smile threatening to creep to your features. He’s talking to you openly about all this. Even when going through such dizzying amount of information, it makes you happy.

“Thank you, for trusting me,” you tell him sincerely. “I’ll do what I can to help you. For now, I think what we need is just information, so I’ll help you gather it,” you promise. “I’m going to be your ally in this.”

Levi eyes you carefully for a moment before finally nodding.

“Okay.”

You’re mildly surprised he’s not pulling out his usual _‘none of your business’_ approach. But then again, he seems to be at the end of his wit here.

A comfortable silence falls between you two, and you slowly turn thoughtful. With this new information, it’s not just Levi’s circumstances that make more sense.

“Is that why you don’t want to start anything with me?” you ask him as you drink the last of your coffee and place the mug on the table.

Levi looks away avoidantly and pulls his mouth into a thin line.

“If opportunity comes, I’ll have to leave and go back. I’m needed elsewhere. That’s why I don’t want you to get too attached to me,” he explains, clearly uncomfortable. You frown. Something about that doesn’t sit too well with you.

“What do you mean _‘get too attached’_?” you ask warily, your eyes narrowing.

“You’re lonely,” he assesses openly. “And if I do that with you only to disappear afterwards, you’ll become even lonelier. I don’t want to put you in that kind of situation.”

Your frown deepens. You don’t like anything that’s leaving Levi’s mouth right now.

“And what if I don’t care?” you ask defiantly. “What about you? Would you be alright with it if we had a thing and you needed to leave?”

“I’m used to saying goodbye to people.” Something in Levi’s eyes shifts and for a moment he looks blue. You understand instantly. He’s a captain from a morbid, ruthless world. He’s surely seen more than a few loved ones perish. “If anything, I would just be glad you get to stay behind.”

“Then what’s the problem?” you ask, voice a bit pushier than you intended. “We both want it.”

Levi looks at you in annoyance.

“Brat, you don’t understand-” he starts, now breathing through his teeth, but you cut him off.

“No, _you_ don’t understand,” you tell him, equally annoyed. “You think I don’t know what you’re saying but I do. I now know who you are and where you come from. And I know that if there’s a way to go back, you need to take it. And I’m alright with that.”

“That’s what you say now, but when the time comes-”

“Don’t you fucking dare talk down to me like I’m five years old,” you snap, now visibly agitated. “I’m not your daughter or your subordinate, you don’t get to decide for me. If you don’t want to do anything with me for selfish reasons, then that’s fine. I can live with that. But don’t pull that condescending crap on me.”

“I’m thinking of your own good,” Levi snaps back, and you instantly see red.

“I’m an adult, I know my own good!” you bark and shoot to your feet. “I know what I’m getting myself into, and I still want you! You think I’m going to cling to your neck and beg you not to go if you leave? You think I’m enough of a baby to stop functioning if you leave me?” you laugh hollowly. You’re now royally pissed off. If there’s one thing you can’t stand, it’s people treating you like you’re an idiot.

“Don’t flatter yourself, you’re not the only meaningful thing in my life. If you leave, I’m going to miss you, but my world will not shatter. I’m not afraid of a heartbreak!”

You and Levi glare at each other for a long while before you grab both of your cups from the table and march to the kitchen to rinse them. Levi follows you and you can feel the discontent aura oozing out of him.

“I’m trying to make this as painless as possible for you,” he explains, trying to sound calm and mature but you can hear the frustration in his voice. You slam the cups in the sink and turn to scowl at him.

“And I don’t want you to,” you announce coolly. “I know you. I know your situation and I know what the future will probably hold for you. And I want you. I want you so fucking much I can barely breathe!” The volume of your voice raises steadily with each word you say.

“I’m doing this because I care about you!” Levi finally snaps, his voice now almost as loud as yours. “You have no reason to start a relationship with me!”

The words build in your gut and leave your mouth as a desperate cry before you can do a thing to stop it.

“I do, because I fucking love you!”

“I love you too, damn it!”

You both freeze the second the yell tears out of Levi’s lips. Both of your eyes widen in shock, your breathing heavy and off.

The friction between you explodes violently. You don’t know who makes the first move. All you know is that in the blink of an eye, you’re pushed up against the kitchen counter and your lips are locked in a feverish kiss. Your head tilts, you let out a throaty moan, and grasp the fabric of Levi’s shirt.

You feel his firm mouth against yours, determinedly stealing your breath, his hands grab your waist and hoist you up to sit on the counter with ease. You part your legs instantly and wrap them around Levi’s middle, pulling him in against you, and you hear him grunt into the kiss. You tug on his lower lip with your teeth before slipping your tongue into his parted mouth. His hold on your waist tightens as he leans in.

He pushes your tongue back in your mouth with his, his breathing is frantic, one of his hands moving up from your waist. He pushes his fingers into your still dampened hair and grabs it. Your moans and gasps for breath are lost against his lips, all of his inhibitions gone as his other hand slides down your thigh.

You’re both completely blinded. By rage, by lust, by attraction, by affection. All those feelings that have steadily been brewing inside your minds are now being poured out in a violent, ravenous explosion.

Your whole body is tingling, your mind blank of any coherent thought except for one. You want him, and you want him now.

You break the kiss just to bury your face into his neck. You breathe in the smell of his shower gel as your mouth works on his heated skin. You kiss, suck and nibble on every inch you can get your lips on, your palm resting against his firm chest. Levi lets out a barely restrained moan, and the sound makes you shiver violently. His hand tightens in your hair, encouraging you to keep going.

You bite down at the spot where you can feel his rapid pulse, your legs pulling him even closer until you can feel the hardness in his pants pressing against your groin. You want it. You want it so bad your breath gets stuck in your throat.

Levi seems to be thinking along the same lines, because he suddenly untangles his hand from your hair just to grab your other thigh. He pulls you off the counter and you instinctively wrap your arms around his neck as he starts carrying you. You lock your legs around his waist as tight as you can, holding onto him.

“My room,” you breathe heatedly, your mouth never pausing on his neck. Levi doesn’t reply, he merely takes course towards the bedroom.

He opens the door with one hand, the other keeping you up, and easily carries you to the bed. The room is dark save for the mellow light on your bedside table. He drops you down, you feel your back hit the soft mattress. He follows you and pins your body down with his own.

You move your lips, trailing a path from his collar bone to his jaw, up towards his ear. You feel him shiver as your hot breath hits the sensitive skin on his ear lobe, and you tug at it needily with your teeth.

You place one hand on his jaw, the other sliding down his chest until you meet the hem of his shirt. You slip under the fabric and feel his toned stomach under the palm of your hand.

Levi groans and pulls back until your lips reluctantly detach from him. He grabs his shirt and throws it off, and you don’t waste any time doing the same to your own. You didn’t bother putting on a bra earlier, so your upper body is now bare.

You meet his gaze briefly; his eyes look even darker than usual in the dim light. You see the raw lust and want he’s no longer holding back. His eyes move from yours to your flushed cheeks, your messed-up hair, down to your unclaimed neck, before they finally reach your naked chest.

A guttural sound tears from his throat as his composure seems to snap again. He grabs your ass boldly as he moves his head down and starts pressing kisses on your throat. You gasp and throw your head back, giving him all the space he could want as he marks your neck with bites and kiss marks, something almost possessive in the way he moves his mouth over every inch of your exposed throat.

His hands cup your breasts and you feel his fingertips, roughened from the life of a soldier, rolling over your nipples. You bite your lip, your breathing hastening as he teases your nipples until they’re hardened under his touch. Your legs move automatically, they loop around Levi’s lower back and you roll your hips, rubbing your clothed hotness against his.

He moans and grabs your hips, his thumbs moving circles around your hip bones. He pushes his covered erection against you and your eyes flutter closed. Your hands fumble a bit as you reach for the button of his jeans. You open it and hurriedly pull the zipper down before you push a greedy hand inside his pants, under his boxers, and finally touch his bare length. It’s fully hard, almost strained.

You wrap your fingers around it and start stroking slowly. You sense every muscle in Levi’s body stiffening and his head flops down against your chest. His eyes are closed, and he presses a few breathless kisses between your breasts.

You move your hand up and down, rhythm slow and sensual. His skin is heated, and he involuntarily rolls his hips to meet your touch. He raises his head and your lips meet his, the kiss turning deep in a matter of seconds.

You place your free hand on his shoulder and push him off you to lie on his back. He gives you the control voluntarily. You climb on top of him. You keep stroking him until you feel the tell-tale signs of an impending climax. Only then do you pull your hand back.

It’s not over yet.

You peel his remaining clothes off, leaving him naked, and then reach for the waistband of your sweatpants. You roll off him briefly and give him a playful look. Only, his eyes are not on your face, but glued to your lower body, watching lustfully as your legs are exposed inch by inch.

You pull your pants and socks off and carelessly toss them on the floor. You climb back on top of him, one knee on each side of his hips, now only wearing your panties. Your lips meet again, you feel his hand sliding up your thigh to your ass. He gives it a small squeeze and then slowly moves to the front.

His thin, long fingers slip under the fabric, sliding down towards the hotness of your crotch. He moves past your clit to gather some of the wetness between your folds.

It’s your turn to flop your head on his chest.

His fingertips move back up to meet the sensitive spot with feather light touches. He circles around it, sending small jolts through your whole body while the other hand is removing the clothing that’s now only in the way. You move your legs a little so he can pull your underwear completely off.

You’re breathing against his skin, teeth nibbling on his collar bone as he does his magic. First teasing and sedate, he soon picks up the pace. Your moans and mewls echo inside the room and you’re shamelessly rubbing yourself against him.

He reaches another hand and you can’t help the small gasp when you feel two of his fingers enter you, curling against your inner walls.

“Fuck, Levi, yes,” you moan, your hands instinctively clutch his biceps as he mercilessly robs you of any potential coherency. You hear him groan at your words and suddenly his hands are a lot more aggressive, moving with bold confidence and the sole goal to make you explode.

You’re holding onto him with everything you can, your teeth have sunk into his skin, without a doubt leaving a mark, your hands are grabbing his arms for support, your insides clenching his fingers in tight.

With a strangled cry, you’re pushed over the edge, your whole body shuddering, your senses wiped blank with the overwhelming pleasure.

He slows down but keeps going until the intense waves finally pass and you slump on top of him. You pant against his neck and press breathless kisses of gratitude on his skin. He pulls his hands away and gently places them on your back.

Only, you’re not done. You allow yourself a dozen seconds of rest before you sit up properly. You feel his length, still erect and impatient, against yourself. Your eyes meet and you almost lose your breath at the sight of his dark orbs, full of want barely held back. You reach for the bedside table to take out a condom.

With quick hands, you unwrap it and roll it down on his erection.

“What is th-”

Levi doesn’t get any further than that.

He hisses, his eyes roll back and he grabs your hips as you waste no time positioning yourself and sinking down on his cock.

You straighten your back and extend your neck as you feel him enter your body.

You watch him underneath you, his closed eyes, his heaving chest, his coarse hair, usually tidy but now tousled, and smile in absolute bliss. It’s one of the most erotic things you’ve ever seen in your life.

You start moving your body, Levi’s hands supporting you by your hips as you ride him. You hear the sound of skin against skin, you feel him bury inside you at a delicious angle, and you moan. You throw your head back and close your eyes, your hands placing on his chest. Your hips are rolling, moving, taking every inch of him eagerly.

You hear the small grunts and groans tearing from his throat, you feel him hold onto you, one of his hands occasionally moving back to grab your butt. He’s hitting all the right spots and before you know it, you’re moving as fast as you can.

You crack an eye open, and you see him watching your exposed body on top of him, gaze lustful and almost mesmerised. You pause your movements and give him a small, knowing smile.

You lean down to kiss him and as you do, you roll over and reverse your positions. Now on top of you, Levi quickly catches on. His forearms place on either side of your head and he starts snapping his hips down. Your hand disappears in his hair, combing through the locks. You easily spread your legs, your knees pulling up towards your waist.

His movements are fast and unforgiving, he breaks the kiss and you find yourself staring into his eyes. They’re inspecting every hue in your gaze, every expression that crosses your face as he takes you, and all you can do is hold onto him and moan like your life depends on it.

Your breathing is shaky, he’s giving you no rest as his cock buries inside you over and over. Your eyes are glossy from the lust and intense pleasure, your body wanton and willing underneath him. You’re loving every second of this and there’s nothing but pure devotion in the way you’re holding onto him, surrendering yourself to him.

“Levi,” you breathe, and the sound of your hoarse voice makes him go even faster. He’s relishing in every little sound you make.

You reach a shaky hand to touch yourself, but Levi beats you to it. He balances himself on one forearm, hips thrusting madly. He bats your hand away and starts swirling his fingers around your clit again.

You watch the unrelenting look on his face. He wants your pleasure to be all him. He wants you to come with nothing but his name on your lips.

You have no protests.

“Fuck, Levi,” you wail as the pleasure builds inside you. “Fuck, fuck, Levi, keep going, fuck me, take me,” you’re now chanting incoherently, grabbing onto his hair hard enough to hurt. Levi does as you tell him to, wouldn’t dream of backing down now.

Your mouth opens in a noiseless scream, your eyes squeeze shut, and your thoughts shatter into a million pieces as you climax, your body thrashing underneath him, his face inches from yours watching you fall in shambles before his eyes.

His body halts on top of yours. Your hands fall languidly on the bed and you open your eyes.

You see his riled-up expression, and nod. He’s close, you can see it.

He starts moving again, and you roll your hips up to meet him halfway. His forearm places next to your head to cage you in place, your lips lock in a messy, sloppy kiss as he starts chasing his own end. You’re still moaning, relishing in the afterglow and the way Levi rubs against you. You’re holding onto the nape of his neck, keeping him close, enjoying the sound of his rapid breaths.

He doesn’t last long at all. You see the signs that he’s dangerously close, the way his muscles tense, the small shudder shooting through his body, the groan he utters against your swollen lips. All it takes is for you to clench your muscles once, and he’s gone.

He grits his teeth, one on his hands grasping your jaw, his thumb strokes your cheek clumsily. You feel him pulsate inside you, his whole body completely still for a few seconds before he finally slumps on top of you.

You stay there for a minute, only the sound of your pants filling the room. You press a kiss on his forehead and gently cradle him in your arms.

He pulls out slowly and moves to lie down next to you. You reach for your bedside table and take out some napkins. Levi grunts quietly as you pull the condom off. You clean him up carefully and go to the bathroom to discard the condom. You clean your lower regions while you’re there and then saunter back to the bedroom.

You exchange a gaze with Levi. He looks tired, albeit also characteristically thoughtful as he watches your naked body. Wordlessly, you raise the blankets and slip under them.

You wait as Levi clearly contemplates what to do. A part of you is expecting him to tell you that this was a mistake, but he says nothing.

Instead, he shifts and joins you under the covers.

You smile languidly and scoot closer to him until your head is resting against the crook of his neck. He thinks it over for a second, and then loops a hesitant arm around your shoulders.

“I don’t regret what just happened,” you tell him quietly.

Another minute of silence.

“Me neither,” Levi then finally sighs. He sounds resigned.

No more words are exchanged. You’re just lying there, enjoying the intimacy. You listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and at some point, you fall asleep, curled up against his side with your nose buried into his neck.

One thing is clear to both of you; you can’t keep denying yourselves this. With the flame now ignited, all you can do is hold on until you can’t anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me during class: This is super boring. Well, I guess I can start sketching the new chapter.
> 
> Me as I arrive home: Well what do you know, I managed to plan the whole thing. I SHOULD start working on my programming exercises but you know what, I've earned a little break. I'll just write a little bit of something.
> 
> Me, eight hours later: Well, it's 1 a.m., my schoolwork is not done and I just barfed out 5,000 words of text. 2,500 of which is raunchy sex. Oh well.
> 
> But yeah, we finally got here. The smut is here, the feelings are there and the next chapters will probably all be rated E. That being said, I'm not at all sure if I'll manage to wrap everything up in three chapters, so it might be that it'll be a bit longer than the 10 parts I initially planned. But we'll see.
> 
> Loved it? Hated it? Comments are a much needed ray of sunshine in my dark and cold world (also known as Finland during late autumn). The enthusiastic reception of the last chapter was what fueled me to push out another update this soon. So I really hope I will hear from you! ^-^ 
> 
> Now, I've got to drag my ass to bed and think of an excuse to feed my professor about why I haven't done my exercises. Preferably one that isn't "I stayed up all night writing erotic fanfiction". She says as she stays up until 3 a.m. obsessively refreshing in the hopes of seeing the view count go up.
> 
> Until next time!


	8. Chapter 8

When you wake up, it takes your brain a moment to register why you’re feeling so warm and fuzzy. As the memories return, one after the other, you smile to yourself. Levi confessed he loves you, he carried you here and you engaged in what could only be described as good sex.

You moan sleepily and open your eyes.

When you see your bedroom wall and no Levi, you tense up momentarily. Instantly, a blockade of questions invades your mind.

Has Levi left? Has he changed his mind about last night? But before you can give these thoughts too much fuel, you register that there’s something wrapped around your naked waist.

You slowly turn around to your other side, just to see Levi behind you. He’s already awake, lying on his back. His arm is placed around your waist, a bit awkwardly, but it still makes you relax. His eyes are on you, a pensive frown decorating his face.

“Good morning,” you wish with a quiet voice. You remain there, lying on your side towards him. He looks at you with unreadable eyes before averting his gaze.

“Morning,” he replies, his voice steady and calm as always, but with a twinge of confusion.

You’ve gotten to know Levi well enough to know that he generally knows how to deal with things. There isn’t a whole lot that can faze him. But now, he looks like he has no idea how to handle this situation.

You’re sure he’s had his fair share of admirers, pursuers even, but he doesn’t seem the type to usually be interested in reciprocating those feelings. Especially considering where he comes from, being a military captain in a world where humanity is on the brink of extinction, there might not have been time for those things even if he did have feelings for someone.

You look at the uncertainty on his face, the unsettled awkwardness in his eyes as he slowly turns his stern eyes back to you. But the arm on your waist also tells you that he’s not planning to bolt.

You move closer to him until your head is resting next to his shoulder. His arm moves so that it’s now draped over your back.

“I’m surprised you didn’t get up to clean my room the second you opened your eyes,” you hum. You’re not a tidy person and so far, your bedroom has been the only sacred place where Levi hasn’t extended his desire for cleanness. You know there are clothes scattered all over the floor, not all of them from last night. There’s also a slight mess at your desk, books and handouts spread all over.

Levi tuts.

“Trust me, brat. I wanted to. This mess is disgusting,” he tells you in distaste. You yawn and shrug.

“I’m a busy person, no time for cleaning. I have school and work to take care of. Not to mention the time-travelling old geezer currently freeloading at my place.”

Levi gives you a mild glare but doesn’t argue any further. You chuckle and move just a bit closer until your head is properly resting on his shoulder. He tenses momentarily, still not used to the closeness, but loosens up soon after.

“Are you having second thoughts?” you then ask straightforwardly and look up. The look on his face is hard and stoic, as if he’s debating the same question inside his head.

“I still think you would be better off if we didn’t start anything,” he finally replies, but he doesn’t sound firm at all. If anything, he sounds tired of hearing himself repeat that same mantra over and over.

“But the more I see of your resolve, the more I’m inclined to think that you know what you’re insisting on getting yourself into,” he continues, his voice slow and cautious. “So, if you tell me that knowing my full situation, this is what you want-”

“The answer to that is still yes,” you reply instantly with an unimpressed huff. You lock his eyes in an iron gaze, the resolve still there. He looks back for a moment before finally sighing.

“Alright then.”

You smile and sit up just to move on top of him. You straddle his hips and lean down with a mischievous grin.

“So…” you start playfully. “Is your body alright, gramps? You didn’t strain your back or have a stroke?”

You tilt your head as you gaze down at him. He gives you a half-hearted glare. Despite that, one of his hands moves to rest on your lower back.

“I assume that thing you put on me was to make sure this doesn’t result in any unwanted kids,” he says.

“You mean the condom? Yeah. It’s called a contraceptive. It protects both parties from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Not that I have any.” After you broke up with Marcus, you got yourself tested just in case, considering he had trouble keeping his dick in his pants.

“Then that’s good. I have no plans of having kids with you,” Levi tells you bluntly. You grin.

“I know, right? The mere thought of passing my genes down to some poor bastard is disturbing.”

You lean in and press a small kiss on his lips. Then, you slowly move off him and get out of the bed.

“As much as I’d like to stay here all day, I’ve got classes to attend,” you tell him as you lazily browse through the clothes on the floor. You pull on your panties and a T-shirt before sauntering out of the bedroom to the kitchen.

Levi comes out, fully dressed, just as you’re finished making yourself some coffee and some tea for him. You place the mugs down on the table and sit down with a relaxed sigh.

“You can sleep in my bed from now on,” you tell him. “You can clean up there as well if the mess bothers you.”

Levi gives you an unreadable glance and sits down without a reply. He reaches for the tea and turns his eyes to the window. A comfortable silence falls between you. Your mind is still in last night and you’re positive there must be at least a couple of hickeys on your body. You can see a few on Levi’s neck and the sight makes you grin a little.

Levi reacts to your smile with a wary look.

“What the hell are you staring at?” he asks suspiciously.

“Oh, nothing,” you hum innocently. “Just thought that for someone your age, kiss marks suit you well.”

Levi’s eyes widen a little before he turns his head aside with a grumpy look.

“What a bothersome brat,” he mutters quietly. “Doing whatever you want with someone else’s body.”

“Well, you’re stuck with this bothersome brat, so I suggest you get used to it,” you inform him with a well-tempered smile. “Any complaints?”

He clicks his tongue.

“No.”

“Good.”

-

You come home from class a few hours later than usual. It’s already well into the evening when you open the door and stumble inside, carrying a large bag. You kick your shoes off and walk to the living room.

Levi’s sitting on the couch, watching the news. The dishwasher is whirring in the kitchen quietly, signalling he already ate something for dinner.

“Good, you already ate,” you tell him. “Let’s get started then.”

“Start what?” he detaches his eyes from the screen to give you a bland look.

You walk up to him and unceremoniously turn the bag over him, dumping a large pile of books and journals on his lap.

“Research of course,” you tell him valiantly. “I went to the library today and gathered whatever I could.”

The materials you gathered are mainly theoretical physics. You took every book you could find that even remotely concerned time-travelling.

You leave him to the books and sit down on the couch next to him. Leaning against the armrest so that you’re facing him, you grab your laptop from the coffee table and turn it on.

“You look through those, I’ll see what I can find online.”

You feel his gaze on you, examining you carefully as you access your browser and start googling. You glance at him and draw up an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he replies and rips his eyes off you, turning to the books. “I just didn’t expect you to approach this so enthusiastically.”

“What? You thought I’d help you as little as possible so that you’d be forced to spend more time here?” you ask dryly. The look on his face tells you enough. You sigh and roll your eyes.

“You want to go back, right?”

“Naturally.”

“That’s what you want, so I’m going to help you. I told you, I’m your ally in this. I know you’re a suspicious old grump but try trusting me a little.”

“I do trust you,” he retorts steadily as he opens the first book to shuffle through it.

“Uh-huh,” you reply sceptically. “So why did you think I’d try to sabotage your chances of going back?”

“I didn’t think you’d sabotage them,” he says calmly. “I just didn’t think you would take on this head on like this.”

You make a non-committal noise and turn your attention back to the computer. You absent-mindedly straighten your legs and place them on Levi’s lap. He makes no comment of it, he merely moves the books and journals off himself so you have enough room.

The hours tick away as you go through the materials in silence. You’re trying all sorts of different search terms to uncover information, but most of the sources give you knowledge you knew already. That while different dimensions, time traveling, and universe hopping could be possible _in theory_ , in practice that kind of leap is impossible to create. And according to all logic, it should be impossible to happen on its own without creating a void that breaks time-space.

“Well, this source says that it _could_ be possible to travel between dimensions if you just hop into a black hole,” you sigh. “But getting to a black hole is impossible, and surviving being sucked in is also impossible. Also, this isn’t written by an actual scientist.”

Levi grunts in acknowledgement. His eyes are scanning over text but there isn’t much intrigue in his expression.

“Well, this conspiracy theory claims that the government has had the means to time travel for centuries but they’re concealing it. He calls for action to storm the Pentagon…”

“Sounds ridiculous,” Levi comments steadily.

“What are you planning to do if you can never go back?” you ask him carefully and tear your eyes away from your laptop to look at him. He sighs and puts down the book he’s reading.

“Then I need to start thinking about how to integrate. Eventually, I’m going to need a job.”

“A job, huh…” You think it over. It’s going to be challenging for Levi to get a job. To do so, he would need to somehow get an identification which wouldn’t be an easy feat.

“What kind of job do you want to do?” you ask curiously. He shrugs.

“Anything.”

“Not picky, eh,” you observe. Then again, Levi is hardly in a position to be picky. Eventually, you shrug.

“As much as I enjoy you being my exclusive maid and servant,” you start, grinning at the way Levi scowls at you, “I can understand that you don’t want to stay locked up like this forever. I’ll see what I can do,” you promise.

You place the laptop back on the coffee table and exhale tiredly. Research doesn’t seem to be yielding any useful results today. You pull your legs back and move to sit up properly on the couch, just to lie down seconds later.

You curl up, your head next to Levi. He gives you an unreadable look. You merely smile at him and close your eyes. You’re tired.

As you’re about to drift off to sleep, you feel Levi’s absent-minded hand pet the top of your head.

-

You only get what feels like mere minutes of sleep before you feel someone shaking you gently.

“Hey,” you head Levi’s voice call out to you. You crack your eyes open just a bit before groaning and closing them again. You don’t want to get up yet.

Levi shakes your shoulders again.

“Your phone has been ringing for a while now,” he tells you.

“Who is it?” you murmur sleepily, not at all enthusiastic about being awake again.

“Someone called Marissa.”

“Marissa?” You frown and finally open your eyes properly. You sit up and scratch your head sleepily as Levi hands you the phone.

“Hello,” you utter into the receiver after picking up, voice stuffy from sleep.

“Oh, thank God I reached you,” Marissa sighs in relief at the other end.

Marissa is a weird combination of a boss and co-worker. She’s a go-go dancer as well and doesn’t officially manage other dancers in the area, but she has a lot of contacts with different bars and nightclubs and knows practically every go-go dancer in the city. Thus, the role of an organizer and mentor quite naturally fell on her. Nightclubs turn to her to find new dancers or to secure good dancers to be their regulars, and as a compensation she can pretty much choose where she performs and when.

You exhale softly and turn over to lie on your back, your eyes lazily scanning the ceiling. There’s only one reason for Marissa to call you.

“You need a favour don’t you,” you suggest calmly.

“Ivana can’t perform tonight. She’s been admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. I just got a message on WhatsApp an hour ago.”

“She okay?”

“Yeah, she just needs to rest. I’ve been trying to find a replacement for her but no one’s biting.”

You narrow your eyes a bit. Usually dancers are quite eager to make an extra buck.

“Where’s the gig?”

Marissa is quiet for a couple of seconds.

“…The Veil.”

You wrinkle your nose a bit. The Veil is not a nightclub you would usually ever perform in. Too small, too crowded and the customer base is, for lack of a better word, _trashy_. During the last few months you’ve mostly stuck to Gartha. They have proper stages and booths, their customers tip well and the owner likes you.

On the plus side, The Veil is only a ten-minute walk from your apartment. You wouldn’t need to use your car and waste gas to get there.

“Please. I have a gig tonight, I can’t go, and no one’s willing to go there. The managers are getting desperate over there, they’ve been advertising a proper go-go show for weeks now.”

You listen to her pleading tone and mull it over in your head.

“How much?” You finally ask.

“They were going to pay Ivana 70 euros for a three-hour set but they told me I could promise a replacement 100 euros. They really, really need someone.”

You calculate it in your head. 100 euros for three hours is a ridiculously good pay. Not to mention the tips you would be getting. You’ve been to The Veil once or twice and know they only have the space for one dancer. Which means all the tips are directed to you.

“Fine,” you relent. “Let them know that I want a proper bouncer, not a quack like the last time I was there.”

“I knew I could rely on you,” Marissa beams. “They want a 30-minute choreographed show, you can spend the rest of the night improvising.”

30 minutes is a rather long show but luckily, you’ve been doing this for a while now and you’ve got enough songs in your muscle memory to pull together a setlist.

“Alright then,” you sigh. “Tell them I’ll be there by eleven. And don’t count on me doing this again. And if that DJ fucking plays Despacito, I’m out of there,” you warn Marissa sternly.

“Sure, sure. We both know I’ll call you, and you’ll agree, because you’re a workaholic and a goody-two-shoes,” Marissa laughs. You huff a half-hearted protest, but she’s already hung up.

You shove the phone on the coffee table and make a disgruntled noise. You get up, only now realising that Levi’s been standing next to the couch, listening to your side of the conversation.

“Ah, I need to go to work,” you say and stretch your arms.

“I gathered as much,” Levi replies curtly.

“Yeah. It’s in this place called The Veil. I really don’t like working there, the customers are kind of rowdy,” you can’t help but complain.

Levi offers you a raised eyebrow.

“But the pay is good and at least it’s close, I can just go by foot without having to use my car.”

You give him a tired smile and go to your room to get ready. You decide on an outfit and pack it in your bag. You then grab your make-up pouch and hairspray from the desk and throw them in as well.

You sense Levi hovering behind you and when you turn, you witness him standing at the doorway, leaning his back against the doorframe. His arms are crossed against his chest and his eyes are unreadable as he observes you. It’s clear there’s something on his mind.

“What?” you ask and cross your arms in return.

“How far is this place where you’re working?” he asks.

“About a kilometre,” you shrug. “It’s just a ten-minute walk.”

“And when do you get off work?” he inquires.

“Around 3:30,” you reply, now a bit confused. Why is he so interested in that?

Levi averts his eyes and seems somewhat unhappy. You look over his stoic face, trying to get the gist of it. When you finally do, you can’t help but chuckle.

“Are you worried about me?” you ask, a little amused but mostly touched. He gives you a glance you can read all too well.

“I’ll be fine,” you reassure him. He nods, but that uneasy look doesn’t budge from his face. You tilt your head a bit and think it over. It’s sweet, that he’s worried, even if there’s no real reason to be.

“Would it make you feel better if you came to pick me up?” you ask carefully. He remains still, thinking it over for a moment, and finally nods again.

“You can do that if you want to, but you don’t have to. I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can,” Levi replies calmly. “And if you don’t want me to pick you up, I won’t.”

“But you’re uncomfortable with the thought of me walking home alone that late,” you hum. He nods somewhat hesitantly, he’s gathered that you don’t really fancy being babied. But you get it. It’s going to be late at night and the neighbourhood in which The Veil is situated is not the most stable.

You shrug and smile a little.

“Alright. I’ll draw you a map.”

The small, tense hunch on Levi’s shoulders relaxes. You chuckle a bit and as you pass him to go to the living room, you reach a hand to gently stroke his arm.

Before you can walk past him, he places his hand on your shoulder, eyes unreadable but attentive on you.

You pause to offer him a raised eyebrow. He frowns a little and licks his lips once before huffing and giving you a mild glare, as if you’re the one forcing him to do this. Then, he leans in and places his lips on yours.

You let out a content hum and place your hand on his jaw. His lips are a little dry and rough, his body language calm as he pulls you closer and angles his head a bit.

As much as you want to grab his shoulders and pull him back to the bedroom with you, you’re almost running late for work. When Levi pulls back, you give him a small grin.

“Aren’t you being romantic today,” you tease and pinch his cheek. He snorts and bats your hand off his face.

“I should be off at around 3:30 but I’ll tell the bouncer to let you in and give you a drink if you arrive early.”

“And why would I do that?” Levi asks dryly. You turn where you’re pulling on your shoes and give him a knowing smirk.

“Because I’m a hot babe, shaking my ass on a stage wearing indecent clothes.”

You enjoy the mildly shocked look he gives at your bluntness. You blow him a kiss and step out of your apartment.

-

It’s just as you remember. Compared to Gartha, The Veil is smaller, rowdier, dirtier and more intimate. The lights are jumping all over the floors and walls. The air smells of smoke and sweat with the pungent smell of alcohol mixed in.

The stage is small and so low all it would take is one of the cheering geezers to reach up their hand and they could grab your ass or thigh. You’re in your usual getup, your hair all tousled up and set in place with hairspray, glitter and eyeshadow decorating your face, your lips painted bright red, a choker wrapped around your neck.

You can feel eyes on you, you can hear people screaming something indistinct over the thundering rave music. The bass is pumping through your veins like a shot of adrenaline.

You move comfortably in your heels, your hips swaying in rhythm with the beat, your breasts barely covered by your bra and a short leather jacket. Your lower body is faring even worse, being covered only by a thong.

The crowd here at The Veil doesn’t appreciate leaving anything up to imagination, you were told this much when you arrived here, thus you opted to use clothes a bit more revealing than usual.

You glance down and see faces, each more or less plastered, staring at you. If it wasn’t for the bouncer standing between you, you’re sure a couple would have already climbed on the stage to grope you.

It’s nearly closing time, you’ve been dancing for quite some time. Your show earlier earned you a comfortable number of tips, and even now you can see from the corner of your eye how a few customers are still tossing bills at your feet on stage.

Your eyes scan briefly over the slowly vacating club. You glance at the bar counter, the DJ, the crowd of people in front of the stage, and as you scan the tables briefly, you notice something that makes you pause for a moment.

Levi’s there.

Sitting in the very back with a drink in his hand, his eyes are glued to you. His gaze follows your every movement. You see his eyes briefly flicker down to your ass every time you roll your hips. His expression is calm, but you can see in his eyes that he’s equal parts alert because of the environment he’s in, as well as engaged with what you’re currently doing.

You grin. So Levi couldn’t help his curiosity after all. He came in early to see your show. In that case, you’re going to give him something to come early for.

Suddenly, any fatigue you might have had from dancing all night is gone. You smile at him and lick your lips. You feel his eyes skimming over you as you sway your hips. His obvious interest is enough of an incentive to make your heart flutter once. Your eyes gain a mischievous glint and your movements turn a lot more suggestive.

With a sultry smile, you squat down and enjoy the way his eyes follow your form as you perk your ass up and slowly straighten your legs. It feels good, the attention of someone you adore. So good you wish you could bottle it up and shoot it up your veins.

As the song comes to a close, the disco lights dim and instead, the lights behind the audience flicker and come to life. It’s finally closing time. You easily collect your tips and jump down from the stage while the bouncers usher the merry, drunken crowd out of the bar. You walk up to Levi and offer him a harmless smile as you shove the money in the pocket of your leather jacket.

He gives you his signature, blank look, but you can see the way he’s struggling to keep his eyes in appropriate places. You chuckle a bit and grab his hand to guide him to the back with you. You wave at the bartender on your way and skip towards the small dressing room.

The Veil is too much of a dive bar to offer its employees showers. Thus, you’ll be forced to get changed and wait until you’re home to get properly cleaned. However, that’s the furthest thing from your mind right now. Having pointed your lower regions at Levi in a variety of creative ways, you’re now mainly concerned with successfully getting his out of his pants.

You pull him to the cramped dressing room. Your bag is carelessly thrown on the ground, your clothes are splayed over the small metal chair inside and only the full-sized mirror on one of the walls of the bare room signal it’s a dressing room in the first place.

You slam the door shut after you’ve both successfully gotten inside and lock it. Levi looks around the closet-like room briefly and then turns his gaze back to your eyes. You look over his expression. You can tell he’s riled up, but that’s because you’ve learned to read this man well during the last few days. To anyone else, he’d probably look just as stoic as always.

“So, your curiosity got the best of you,” you hum harmlessly. You lean against the door and fiddle with the hem of your jacket.

Levi turns his head to the side, looking wary. You chuckle a little. You have a strong hunch you know what he’s thinking.

“You can touch you know,” you tell him and grin. “I know you think my customers are disgusting, drooling after my ass and aching for a touch. But you’re different. I’m yours, so treat me as such,” you taunt him. You can feel the arousal between your own legs, steadily brewing ever since you saw Levi in the crowd.

Levi lets out a small growl, clearly affected by your words, and grits his teeth.

“Brat, we’re in a-”

“Fuck me,” you cut him off bluntly. His eyes widen, then gain a particular sheen as his composure snaps. He’s on you in a nanosecond. His mouth crashes on yours, his leg presses against your crotch and he snatches your wrists in his hands just to slam them against the door above your head.

You let out a delighted moan and automatically hook your leg around his waist to pull him closer.

“Fuck, Levi, yes,” you breathe into the kiss. You’re sorely aware you’re in the dressing room of your workplace. Then again, you’re about 99% sure it’s not the first time someone’s fucked in here, given how sketchy this bar is. And the door is locked.

You’re not in the mood for niceties. You want it quick and dirty, and Levi seems to be thinking along the same lines, because he uses one hand to pin your hands down and with the other, he dives right into your thong. A small lustful grunt escapes his lips as he finds out you’re already wet.

You feel his fingers enter your body, and your hands flex under his hold. You’re not trying to break away from him. One of you not-so-well kept secrets is that you actually like being held down like this, something Levi has already picked up on.

He breaks the kiss and moves his lips down. You gasp as you feel his front teeth make contact with the skin just below your chin and you tilt your head back to give him more of your throat. His fingers curl up inside you and rub at your walls, and his thumb starts swiping over your clit with light touches. You bite your lip to keep your voice down, caught off guard by how quickly Levi has managed to grasp how to make you tremble, soaking wet for him.

“Levi,” you breathe painstakingly. “My bag.”

He gives you one, dark look and then pulls back, finally freeing your hands. When he takes his hand out of your panties, you see it glistening with your arousal. Levi grabs your bag from the floor and hands it to you. He watches with interest as you delve until you find a condom from one of the pockets.

You open it and give Levi a small, contemplative look before deciding to follow your whim and squat down. Pinned between Levi and the door, you look up at him innocently, your knees on each side of his legs. He looks down at you, his eyes a little widened. He clearly wasn’t expecting this.

“Brat,” he breathes a warning, his voice a little raspy. You reach a hand to open his jeans. With a swift yank, you pull his pants and underwear down to his knees to reveal his hardness, straining and impatient against his stomach. You lick your lips.

You’re in your go-go uniform, in the cramped backstage of a shady club after giving Levi a generous view of your body on stage. It takes a whole lot less than that to make you feel sultry enough to get on your knees like this.

 “What are you-” He cuts off with a strangled groan as you lean forward and take the tip of his cock in your mouth. Your eyes, shameless and lidded, never leave his face as you splay your hand on his hip. Your painted nails bury into his skin and you take him as deep as you can go, until you feel him hit the back of your throat.

“Shit,” Levi curses, and you feel him instinctively sink his hand in your hair.

The opened condom still in your hand and ignored for now, you start moving your head. You relish in the sounds he makes.

Grunts. Groans. Moans. Swears. The small shudder his body makes every time you swipe your tongue under the tip just right.

You want to make him tick. You want him to lose that control he’s so dearly holding onto until he’s reduced to nothing but the primitive urge to fuck.

You see his hair fall over his eyes, you see the grey orbs dilate, you see his chest heaving unsteadily, you feel the weight of his hand resting against the back of your head, buried into your hair.

You could keep this up for ages but you’re also in a cramped dressing room and your sex feels like it’s on fire. Thus, you pull your head back, a trail of saliva connecting his length to your lips still. You quickly roll the condom on Levi’s cock and get back on your feet.

He leans down to meet you halfway. Your lips lock in a feverish kiss as he grabs both of your legs, wraps them around his toned torso and lifts you up.

You feel your back slamming into the door and before you can even gasp, he’s unceremoniously moved the fabric of your panties aside from your crotch and his length has buried inside you.

Levi wastes no time. You’ve successfully riled him up and all you can do now is squeeze your legs around his waist, loop your arms around his shoulders and hold on as he fucks you into the door. Your eyes close, you rest the back of your head against the door and hear the slamming noise the door makes every time Levi thrusts you against it.

You’re his, and he’s treating you as such. Just as you told him to. And you’re loving every moment of it.

Your fingers clutch his shirt as you let him do as he wants with you. He rams into you, his face pressed into your neck. Only the way his breathing is a little off reveals he’s at all affected by the strenuous task of carrying you while simultaneously pounding both of you into oblivion.

You feel him bite down on your throat again. The sharp sensation paired with the steady rhythm of his hardness burying inside your body makes you border on incoherent. What leaves your lips as his dick thrusts in and out of your body with the relentless strength of a military captain is damn near impossible to decipher.

Levi’s name, profanities, moans, pleads for him to go faster, go harder, to mark you and claim you until you’re completely spent and wiped clean, until the only thought you’re capable of thinking is Levi, and how madly in love you are with this man.

You detach a shaky hand and reach it down. It takes some fumbling for you to squeeze your hand between your bodies and touch your clit. You’re close, and the extra stimulation pushes you over the edge almost instantly.

Your legs clamp around Levi’s waist, your fingers bore into the skin beneath his shirt and your muscles convulse around him as you come.

“Levi,” you whimper, and the pleading sound of your voice makes him moan. He hastens his pace without gracing you with a moment’s rest, chasing his own end as you keep your muscles tight around him and move your head so you can bite down on his ear lobe. You’re almost dizzy, having just come.

It hardly takes Levi any effort to come with a guttural sound, his hands holding onto your thighs as he pauses and pants into the sweaty skin of your throat.

You remain as you are for a slow moment, before you loosen your hold over him. He places you down and you press your foreheads together. You slowly open your eyes to meet his dark gaze. He gives you a grumpy look, clearly coming back to his senses and realizing what you just did.

“Never took you for a kinky guy but look at this,” you tease, a little breathless and a grin plastered on your face. Levi glares at you in response.

“Shut up, shitty kid,” he replies with a low voice.

“I love it when you swear, daddy,” you press on mercilessly, and the deeply revolted look you get in response is enough to make you snort a laugh.

“Never call me that again,” he tells you, disturbed and disgusted as he pulls away.

“Fine,” you chuckle.

You peck one more kiss on his lips and reach for your bag again. Without minding his presence, you sneak out of your outfit and put on your normal clothes while Levi disposes of the condom and cleans himself up with tissues placed on a small table in the corner.

“Feels so good to be out of those heels,” you hum as you step out of the dressing room, now dressed in your usual gear. The bar around you is dark, the bartender and bouncers must have left already. You walk through the hallway to the backdoor and exit to the empty parking lot.

The night is a bit chilly and quiet around you as you start making your way to your apartment. You breathe in the fresh night and smile to yourself a little. Levi walks beside you quietly.

“You still think what I do is disgusting?” you can’t help but ask after a moment of silence. You feel Levi’s gaze on your face. He’s evaluating how sensitive you’re feeling about this question.

“I don’t like it,” he admits finally. You steal a glance to see a somewhat confused frown on his face.

“You still think the people who come see me are disgusting?”

Levi snorts. His way to ask if you’re seriously asking that. You glance at him again. His frown has deepened.

“You’re jealous because I shake my ass for some other guys,” you read his expression. He whips his head towards you to give you a stern look. He doesn’t like how openly you’re pointing out the possessive streak in him.

“Can you deny it?” you ask him harmlessly. He contemplates for a moment before slowly shaking his head, though the dissatisfied look never leaves his eyes.

“Do you want me to stop?” you ask.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned about you, kid, it’s that no matter what I say you’re gonna do whatever the hell you want,” he tells you, deadpan. You give him a wide grin.

“Yup,“ you confirm easily. Still, you stop walking to inspect him closer. Your eyes curiously follow the arch of his knitted eyebrows, the slit of his slightly parted lips, the confused hue in his eyes telling you he’s not used to feeling jealous over anyone.

“I still value your thoughts, though,” you remind him. “Do you want me to stop?”

“I can handle feeling a little jealous, I’m not a child,” Levi retorts, his tone steady despite the look in his eyes. You place a hand on his cheek and stroke it gently.

“You don’t think I’m disgusting even if I keep doing it?”

“If I found you disgusting, I wouldn’t touch you.”

Harsh. But fair.

Levi pats your head and turns to keep walking. You follow him with a faint smile on your face. This is yet another thing you like about him. He’s not dramatic or pretentious. He’s level-headed. And above all, he’s honest and straightforward. All of which are qualities you appreciate.

Silence falls between you as you make your way home and you’re suddenly so glad you met him. This grumpy man who glares at you more than he smiles, who’s far more considerate than he lets on and who has seen you at your most vulnerable and embarrassing yet is still here, walking you home at 4 a.m. just so you don’t have to do so alone.

Even if Levi will eventually leave and not look back, you’re grateful you got the chance to share your life with him, if only temporarily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling incredibly nervous right now. I took a massive break because a lot of stuff happened in real life and now I'm almost too ashamed to update since I'm not at all sure people are still interested in reading this. This update sat on my drive 90% finished for five months and tonight I finally decided to finish it. And somehow, this chapter where nothing much happens ended up being the longest chapter so far at 6,300 words o_o
> 
> That being said, I sat down and went through the plot and increased the chapter count accordingly. I'm not sure 15 chapters is enough to tell the story I want to tell but that's what I'm aiming for. What can I say, I decided that creating a good and deep relationship between Reader and Levi is important and that I should take my time with it before kicking the plot into full gear, so they ended up progressing slower than I initially planned ^^;
> 
> I'd really love to hear from you guys after such a long time so please drop a line. I'm grateful for anything and everything, even if it's just a "hi I read this" or "thanks". I'm humbled and blown away by how much people have been enjoying this silly little story of mine!
> 
> Until next time!


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